The thing I hate most about being a falcon, is that every sodding car I buy is made for humans – there’s not a single car manufacturer that makes cars specifically for me. Where am I supposed to perch? What if I want to stretch my wings? What if I get lost – will there be bird-tracking GPS on board? It’s bullshit.
So thanks then, to Bentley – the only forward-thinking manufacturer out there. Looking out for birds dem, I approve.
The new Bentley Bentayga Falconry comes with everything I need to be a swell bird in. Here it is:
And here’s a list of amazing features this bird-car boasts:
Two individual natural-cork-fabric-trimmed units
A special Piano Black veneered drawer – with a saker falcon crest – containing bespoke storage for all the bird stuff you need
A refreshment case, housing three metal flasks and durable cups, a blanket and refreshing face cloths
A laser-embossed Hotspur hide stowage tray with individual compartments
A GPS bird tracking unit
Hand-crafted leather bird hoods and gauntlets
A lot of that makes zero sense to me, and I’m an actual bird. But just look how nice it looks:
Either way, this car is sick and I want it. I mean, I won’t be able to drive it, what with being a bird and all that, but I could certainly open the boot and perch in the back, ruffling my feathers like an absolute boss. And I will do that. Because I am a bird. And a boss.