Asim Chaudhry's 5 tips to make you a better mate
The TV funny man gives advice on what to say and do when your friends are feeling down, and shares his own route to recovery following a recent rough patch
If there’s anyone you can rely on to lift the spirits of you and your (cha)buddies, it’s comedian Asim Chaudhry.
The quick-quipping wheeler-dealer star of TV’s People Just Do Nothing and Hollywood sleeper hit Good Luck, Have Fun, Don’t Die has already made it to honorary wingman status after joining us in the Shortlist Pub Corner earlier this year for a hilarious chat. So, as Men’s Mental Health Week kicks off in the UK, who better than Asim for some friendship-saving life advice?
Asim’s teamed up with men's grooming brand Harry's for the Dial Up The Feel Good campaign, in partnership with men's mental fitness charity Talk Club, encouraging men to check in on the people they care about.
The campaign follows new YouGov research commissioned by Harry's, which found that more than half (56%) of UK men say humour or banter makes emotional conversations easier, while 41% say sending a funny meme or video is their way of saying "I'm thinking of you" without getting too mushy.
While we’re slowly stepping away then from the ‘Man-up’ approach to dealing with our personal struggles, there’s still work to be done, and even a star on the rise like Asim isn’t immune to those mood-killing moments of doubt and despair.
“A few weeks ago, I was in a proper rut, just completely stuck in my own head, staring at the walls of the studio and feeling creatively drained,” he tells us.
“It’s that classic imposter syndrome thing where you pour everything into a script, it hits a wall, and suddenly you're looking at the whole industry thinking, ‘What am I even doing here?’ When your job is making people laugh, feeling completely blank inside is a weird, heavy place to be.”
The route to recovery? A simple chat with his closest of friends, his wife.
“My wife actually works as a therapist, so she knows how to handle my emotional maturity, or lack of it. She saw I was spiralling. What got me back on my feet wasn't some massive epiphany. She didn't give me a big motivational speech or try to fix my career. She just dragged me out of the house for a massive walk to the park.
“We just sat there, and it grounded me. It reminded me of the team element of being married, and how much the simple things matter. We went home, I spent some time with my little boy, and hearing him laugh just completely shut down all the silly industry anxieties I was holding onto.
“Growing up in Hounslow, left to my own devices, I learned how to just get on with things. But sometimes you get so caught up in the madness of the business that you forget to unplug.”
Got a friend who’s also in need of a pick me up? We asked Asim for his top tips for helping a friend through some of life’s most challenging life events.
Asim Chaudhry on what to say or do if…
1…Your pal breaks up with their partner
I think the instinct is often to try and fix it, but most of the time your mate doesn't need solutions - they just need someone in their corner. I'd probably start by checking in and seeing what they need. Sometimes that's a proper chat, sometimes it's getting them out of the house for a coffee or a walk, and sometimes it's just sending them a stupid meme to let them know they're not on their own.
Breakups can make people feel isolated, so I think the important thing is consistency. Don't just ask how they're doing once and disappear. Keep checking in, even if it's with something as simple as "Fancy a pint?" or "Want to watch the game?" Those little moments can make a bigger difference than people realise.
2…Your mate loses their job
I've had moments in my career where things haven't gone to plan and it can really knock your confidence. When someone loses a job, it's easy for them to start questioning their value, so I'd remind them that a job is something you do, not who you are.
I'd also try and be practical. Ask if there's anything you can actually help with - whether that's looking over a CV, making introductions or just giving them a break from thinking about it for an hour. Sometimes the best thing you can do is help someone remember they're more than whatever setback they're dealing with.
3… A friend’s loved one passes away
That's one of those situations where there's rarely a perfect thing to say. I think people put pressure on themselves to come up with some profound words when actually just being there is what matters.
When someone is grieving, I try not to make it about finding a solution because there isn't one. I'd check in, listen if they want to talk, sit with them if they don't and help with practical things where I can. A lot of people disappear after the first week or two, but grief doesn't work to a timetable. Sometimes checking in a month later can mean just as much.
4… You’ve had a massive bust-up with a (cha)buddy
The older I've got, the more I've realised that being right isn't always the most important thing. If it's someone you genuinely care about, you've got to be willing to put your ego to one side.
I'd probably start by picking up the phone. Text messages are brilliant for a lot of things, but they're terrible for tone. I'd be honest about my part in whatever happened and actually listen to their side too. Most friendships survive disagreements if both people are prepared to have an honest conversation.
And if it gets too serious, a badly timed joke can sometimes help as well. That's probably the comedian in me.
5…Your mate is so blue they can’t even get out of bed
I'd take it seriously and I'd make the effort to show up. Sometimes when people are struggling, the smallest tasks can feel overwhelming, so I'd try not to pile pressure on them.
Maybe that's a phone call. Maybe it's turning up with a coffee. Maybe it's sitting with them and getting them out for a ten-minute walk. The key thing is reminding them they're not carrying everything on their own.
That's one of the reasons I wanted to support Harry's partnership with Talk Club. The campaign is all about encouraging people to make that call, send that message or check in on a mate, because those small acts of connection can genuinely make a difference when someone's having a tough time.
One of the things I like about the Harry's Feel Good Hotline campaign is that it recognises connection doesn't always have to be some huge emotional conversation. Sometimes it's a check-in, a joke, a message or a quick call. Those little moments can be enough to let someone know they're seen, and that can be incredibly powerful when they're having a tough time.
Skip the search — follow Shortlist on Google News to get our best lists, news, features and reviews at the top of your feeds!
