It’s late June now, the summer is stretching out before us like a long cat, and we’re almost half-way through The Rock Report.
It saddens me to bring you the news, therefore, that The Rock is problematic.
This week was no different to any other. I found myself scrolling through Dwayne Johnson’s social media feeds in ravenous search of delicious news. Nothing was jumping out at me. Nothing was ringing the doorbell of my mind. But, amid the videos of my close friend happily wandering around his gym and him promoting a new range of headphones, I suddenly happened upon something truly disturbing; something so unusual, so out of character, and – dare I say it – so profane that I had to check my URL just to ensure I was still on the right Instagram account. I was indeed. It was The Rock’s account. And I was shocked to the core.
In an uncharacteristically sadistic move, Dwayne The Johnson Rock had decided to regram a video from an Instagram account called ‘bestvines’. “There’s a spot in hell for all of us rewatching and laughing way too hard at this,” he wrote. And, though I am not a religious man, I agree with him entirely. The burning fires of the Netherworld await anyone who finds this video anything less than horrifying.
The video, readers, is of a pug approaching a precious butterfly with his mouth. Oh this is cute, the viewer thinks. It’s a video of a pug becoming friends with a sweet little butterfly. How lovely. WHAT AN UNLIKELY FRIENDSHIP. Within a second, however, I’m afraid to say that the video takes a turn. The vicious pug nibbles the butterfly, realises he likes what he tastes, and then I’m afraid to say he runs off with the little thing in his mouth. It doesn’t take a genius to infer that the short life of this precious butterfly is now over. We have witnessed a murder on our screens, and all The Rock has done is laugh and share it with his fans.
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“Not funny at all,” says crackerjacker2010. “Omg,” said yocelynzepeda. “No mama,” said chrishenryurrutia. All of these guys realise: the death of any animal, let alone one of God’s sacred butterflies, is never a laughing matter. “Eat me up like that pug ate fat butterfly,” added ohmygoditsdwaynejohnson, which didn’t contribute much to the discussion.
At the time of writing, this video has 15,854,619 views. Hell, that’s a lot of people who find it funny to watch dogs MURDERING butterflies. That’s a lot of butterfly blood on a lot of hands.
This column is proud to support the man after whom it is named, but if you think we’re going to sit in silence as we watch him encourage butterfly homicide, you’ve got another thing coming. We expect more from The Rock, and we hope that we will see a written apology from him next week.
Stay hungry, stay humble.