Pack your bags, Payet - there’s a new West Ham signing set to make a name for himself and he goes by the name of Sean Allen.
'Who is this young hotshot' you may be wondering. Well, he's an Englishman, and in no way an overpriced one; he came on a free, and he plays his football on the Xbox.
Yes, ranked number two in the world, he's a professional FIFA player.
Signed by the Hammers earlier this month following his recent heroics at the FIFA Interactive World Cup 2016 in New York - which saw Allen reach the final watched on by former Spain striker David Villa and, oddly enough, was even broadcast live on Sky Sports - the club’s new no.50 (yes, they really gave him a squad number) will wear his claret and blue jersey in all future FIFA eSports events.
But before all that, we pinned Allen down to glean some expert tips.
Driven passing is key
"This is a new effect on the game: hold RT (R1) when you pass and it’s a really hard pass, which is hard to defend. I play a narrow formation, 4-3-1-2, so I can go through the middle of the opposition by spraying some driven passes. Over-the-top through balls don’t tend to be that effective anymore."
Use your second player press when defending
"Play a possession game against someone like me and you’re likely to lose the ball within seconds. I put unreal pressure on my opponents, using the second player press and charging toward the ball. Much like real football, the best tactic is to read the game and know exactly what your opponent is going to do before they do. Is their overlapping fullback bombing on? Cut out the pass to the flanks. Are they about to be put through on goal? Bring your keeper out early before the striker gets a shot away. Read the play."
Don’t lose the ball in midfield
"It sounds silly but in the last two FIFAs, losing the ball in midfield is one of the most rookie mistakes you can make. One pass later and your opponent can be through on goal."
Jockeying will help you hold the ball up
"Once I get the ball up field, I keep LT and RT (L2 and R2) pressed, which jockeys the ball for a bit to hold up the ball. Jockeying allows you to keep close control with small movements."
One-twos should be your bread and butter
"Hold LT (L2) when you’re passing and that player will actually be running after they pass the ball. So you can make your players run up the pitch and increase one-two play."
Use speed to your advantage
"The latest FIFA is so fast paced that a good player will get the ball off you within two or three minutes game time if you run at them directly. If they don’t, you know their defence is shaky. I always pass back from kick off, draw their players towards me and then look to hit it up and play on the counter attack as soon as possible."
But that doesn’t mean sprinting all the time
"Keeping hold of the run button all of the time increases the risk of you losing the ball, so be conservative with where and when you use it."
Use the wings well
"In this game you’ll see good players run down the wings a lot, jockeying slowly, dribble around defenders, do a ball roll here and there, then they’ll get in to the box, pass across goal and score. That’s really hard to stop in this game."
Get a good goalkeeper
"To do well on Ultimate Team you're going to need a solid shot-stopper. Better stats really do make the difference - I’ve got David De Gea in goal and he's had a big impact on my team."
The best Ultimate Team players aren't always the most expensive
"If you want a really strong squad that doesn’t cost the world, buy all Premier League players. The chemistry will be set at 100 and you can get really good bargains like Ramires, Mousa Dembele and Daniel Sturridge. Romelu Lukaku is one excellent striker too who won't cost you the world either."