Sushi’s alright, isn’t it? I mean, it’s the uncooked, uncured flesh of a defenseless animal, but it’s alright, you know what I mean? Nice little tasty morsels that melt in the mouth – yummy yummy yummy I’ve got fish in my tummy.
But I think my favourite part of eating sushi, is when, a couple of days later, parasitic worms grow inside my stomach and attach themselves to its inner lining and make me seriously ill. That’s the best part about the whole thing – when a foul worm is born inside you, and it buries itself into your stomach wall. God I love that.
Hey little cuties! How’s it hanging down there, inside me? Hope it’s nice and cosy for you! Enjoy your stay!
The latest lucky person to indulge in this particular form of luxury was a man in Portugal, who ate some sushi covered in infected (oh god that word turns me on) larvae (and that one). Weirdly, he didn’t do this on purpose, and so didn’t actually plan on a bunch of worms settling down in his stomach – how embarrassing, he probably didn’t have time to tidy up or anything!
The whole craze is called Anisakiasis, and involves the larvae hatching in your gut and the worms firmly planting themselves to your stomach lining. Symptoms include intense pride and abdominal swelling and pain.
For some unfathomable reason, this ungrateful prick went to the hospital and turfed the snuggly little bizzers out of their home. Doctors (more like BAILIFFS) performed an endoscopy (more like WORM RIGHTS VIOLATION) and used a special kind of net to cruelly snatch the inhabitants out of the man’s gut.
After that, the man lost his pain, swelling and also an invite to my next worm party. He certainly isn’t going to be rubbing his warm belly up against mine as we walk in a circle and chant worm rhymes, that’s for sure. How frigid.