The sticky end of the football season is cresting the away stand. Half of the Championship clubs are still dreaming of the play-offs, while the top and tail of the Premier League are tighter than a water fowl's rear.
But we know how it's all going to end. Or rather, the analysts (read 'wizards') of insanely popular Football Manager have consulted their vast database, determined the most likely transfers and set their computer wheels in motion to predict the outcome of the remaining games of the 2013/2014 season.
So, if you want to avoid ruining the conclusion of both leagues, look away now.
Manchester City manage to grind out another close-run Premier League title, staying two points clear of Arsenal and Chelsea - the London clubs locked in joint second after finishing with 79 points, a +32 goal difference and identical head-to-head results. Spurs sneak the final Champions League spot (though this result is based on them sneaking Javier Hernandez out from the ill-fated Manchester United).
Sunderland prop up the bottom of the stack on 27 points, with West Ham and Crystal Palace (both 32 points) joining them in the Championship.
Leicester City will storm to the top of the Championship with 97 points, joined in the Premier League by QPR (83) and play-off winners Nottingham Forest. Here are both tables in full:
(Click to enlarge)
"Our simulation, based on proposed transfer activity, uses Football Manager’s unprecedented level of player data and unrivalled game engine," explains Sports Interactive Football Analyst Tom Davidson.
Meanwhile, Luis Suarez will claim the golden boot (29 goals to Sergio Aguero's 23), and get the most assists (16, to the 15 of Aguero and Wayne Rooney).
Arsenal will only finish second if they secure the signature of FC Schalke 04's Julian Draxler, while Manchester United's signing of Leighton Baines still can't prevent them from failing to finish in the top four.
Accurate? No. But at least it gives you a lose premise for your next pub debate.