This week, Chelsea and Roma played out one of the most entertaining Champions League matches of the season.
The Blues led 2-0, and then threw away their lead to end up trailing 3-2, before Eden Hazard’s late goal ensured the spoils were shared, but most people are only talking about one thing.
Edin Dzeko scored twice for the visitors, and one of the goals was – to use a technical term – an absolute twatweasel.
Now, you know what you’re getting with English commentators.
Not so on the continent, though.
Sure, English commentators can get excited, but Italian commentators get EXCITED!
When the ball hits the net, the commentator ceases to be human.
It’s on a par with the bird noises Seann William Scott makes towards the end of Evolution, or what Arrested Development’s Bluth family thinks a chicken sounds like, only on the verge of a frequency where only dogs can hear it.
Sure, he might be trying to say ‘Gol’, but it comes out more like the mating call of an animal that doesn’t actually exist in real life.
That said, ‘Sinistra fantastico’ shows how much better the Italian language is than anything we’ve ever been able to offer up.
It’s also now the name of my band, because I’m not letting anyone else get in there first. I don’t even have a band yet, but that hardly matters.
Is it any surprise that our men on the mic can’t sound as good when they’re forced to trot out clumsy phrases like ‘fantastic left-footed strike’?
Normally the most impressive thing about the Bosnian’s goal would be the fact that it was the best powerful left-footed strike in a game involving Aleksandar Kolarov, a man who can kick a ball harder than anyone else can do anything else.
But no, the goal itself – while almost certainly the best scored in the competition this week – doesn’t come close to the pure unbridled joy of the man commentating on it.
This is why we love football.