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Tatler's top posh baby names for 2017 are utterly ridiculous

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The thought process behind posh baby names is one of those things you just won’t get unless you’re exposed to it directly.

If we’re being honest, even direct exposure is not always enough. There are levels of posh baby name, you see.

For every Oscar or Hugo there’s an Oberon or a Horatio. For every Poppy or Clementine there’s a Peregrine or a Cleodie. Premier League → Champions League.

If you’re not part of the in-crowd, you’re better off saving yourself some time and not even attempting to make sense of it all. Instead, get someone else to carry the load. You know, someone like Tatler, the magazine for all things posh.

Of course, Jacob Rees-Mogg recently showed us how it’s all done by naming his sixth child Sixtus (yes, really) Dominic Boniface Christopher Rees-Mogg, but not everyone can instantly come up with that level of genius, so Tatler’s guide, originally published at the very end of last year, is here to help those of us in need of inspiration.

So, if you’ve a young ‘un on the way, and you want them to effortlessly glide their way into Eton, head up to Oxbridge and then get on with the important business of ruining the country going into politics, you need to bless your nipper with one of these bad boys:

Boys

  • Aubyn
  • Barclay
  • Cassar
  • David
  • Euripides
  • Fenston
  • Gustav
  • Hickman
  • Innsbruck
  • John
  • Kenneth
  • Ludlow
  • Mao
  • Npeter (the 'N' is silent)
  • Ormerod
  • Prince
  • Quail
  • Ra
  • Stourton
  • Titus
  • Uxorious
  • Victory
  • Wigbert
  • Xman
  • Yak
  • Zebedee

Girls

  • Alfreda
  • Blanche
  • Czar-Czar
  • Debonaire
  • Estonia
  • Figgy
  • Gethsemane
  • Hum
  • Idabelle
  • Jori
  • Koala
  • Lark
  • Monaveen
  • Nancy
  • Opal
  • Power
  • Queenie
  • Rara
  • Scar
  • Tansy
  • Una
  • Vervain
  • Wendy
  • Xanthe
  • Yellow
  • Zenia

There’s a handy pronunciation guide in the video below, but some of the names speak for themselves in terms of ridiculousness.

Czar-Czar! Uxorious! David! Whatever will they think of next.

Actually, just ask Jacob Rees-Mogg – he’ll know.

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