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London is getting a skyscraper that looks like a giant penis


When London's 30 St Mary Axe was completed in April 2004, it had gained several prominent nicknames: The Towering Innuendo, Crystal Phallus and the Erotic Gherkin. A watered down version of this final title eventually stuck.

We doubt that Spire London, a 67-storey building set to become the highest residential block in Western Europe when it opens in 2020, is ever going to be referred to by its proper name. Because it looks like a giant cock and balls.


How. How did the entire board of Greenland Group - the Chinese company behind the building - look over the design mock ups without letting out one immature titter?

"Yeah, it looks fantastic, particularly from street level. It's great, but... doesn't it look a bit like a cock?"


"Have we just approved a £800 million skyscraper that looks like a giant dick?"

"No, it looks like a boat from street level, reflecting the harbour area it's being built in. And it represents the lotus flower, important in Chinese culture. It doesn't look like... oh, I see. We have definitely approved a giant cock building." 


The 235-metre tall building, set to be erected (sorry) in London's Isle of Dogs, will feature some 765 luxury flats. Residents will have access to an infinity pool, fitness studio, cinema and a cocktail (emphasis on 'cock') bar.

Prices for one bedroom flats start at £595,000. No, you can't buy one, can you? Only financial types will be able to splash out - meaning it'll be a Cock Tower full of Wanker Bankers. 

Maybe the Chinese investment group knew exactly what they were doing all along...

(Images: Greenland Group)


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