Every now and again, a television moment will roll around to make you rethink your entire existence.
You’ll wonder if your whole life has been leading up to the moment in question, and you wonder how you ever got by without knowledge of it.
It happened with those kids who interrupted a BBC interview, and when that presenter got hit with a dildo on a live Sky Sports News broadcast, but we rarely see it in scripted television.
Until now, that is. Step forward Hollyoaks, responsible for what might just be the greatest scene in TV history.
LMFAO Hollyoaks writers need to be stopped😭 pic.twitter.com/PhILiK4x1N— kofi (@ManLikeKofii) April 23, 2017
It starts with one of those soap staples, a man in his twenties saying the plot out loud so the producers have some content to use in the ‘next time on Hollyoaks’ trailers. So far, so standard. If you can call the line “You want me to help the man who attacked my sister” standard.
For those of you unfamiliar with the oeuvre of Hollyoaks, you can quickly determine he’s a bit of a nerd because of the thick glasses and the oversized jacket.
“Some troll has created this awful website,” says Generic Blonde Hollyoaks Girl.
Like, awful in terms of content or in terms of design quality? Because it looks like it could be both. It’s like someone ran that ‘You wouldn’t steal a car’ anti-piracy advert through a Geocities emulator.
But wait, there’s a “weird username” – their words, not ours; that’s why we’re not professional scriptwriters.
The person who created the site goes by ‘healing alien gift’, which sounds like that bit in an old Simpsons episode where Mr Burns develops a fluorescent green glow and, with it, goodwill.
Hold on, Generic Blonde is writing something down! On paper! When she’s got a computer right there! You know that means she’s up to something.
You know Nerd Boy is worried because his eyes have been doing that twitching from side to side thing that people do when they’re worried. Now that’s damned good writing.
“Only the administrator can take down the site,” he says, hoping to come across as smarter by using the long word instead of just ‘admin’. We see your game and we’re not falling for it, and nor is the girl, who we now know is called Holly.
Wait, Holly…Hollyoaks. Is this a show about her? Hang on, no time for that, she’s getting somewhere with that notepad. Don’t think we didn’t notice that raised eyebrow.
Oh shit, it’s all coming into place now. It’s like Kujan and Verbal Kint. Bruce Willis at the end of The Sixth Sense. Jim Carrey seeing the number 23 fucking everywhere.
Reveals don’t come bigger or more dramatic than this. Except for all the times that they do.
But how many of those films include high-speed anagramming? That’s what we thought.
If Hollyoaks can’t compete with the BBC’s early-evening quiz shows with wordplay-based major plot points like this then we’re sorry to say they never will.
(Images: Channel 4/Twitter/Frinkiac)