Peter Capaldi revived his Malcolm Tucker routine in this hilariously sweary TV interview
"She was as useless as a marzipan dildo!"
Peter Capaldi’s Malcolm Tucker from the legendary British sitcom The Thick Of It has got to be one of the greatest TV characters of all time. His foul mouth was unrivaled, he was politically conniving and he blew up into a volcanic fit of rage better than anyone else.
So it’s a delightful surprise to see the 60-year-old actor revive his spin-doctor character, if only for a few lines.
The retired Doctor Who was appearing on the Australian TV programme The Project when he was asked about a car-crash interview given by Australian politician Kelly O’Dwyer. In the interview, the minister basically fails to answer a single question – which is both incredibly annoying but also kinda funny in a dystopian sort of way.
And asked what advice the spin doctor Malcolm Tucker would have given O’Dwyer, Capaldi said: “I think he would have said she was as useless as a marzipan dildo.
“We’re looking at a total omnishambles there. She was all over the place like a mad woman’s shit. And I’m only getting started.”
Turning to the camera, he added: “I’m willing to help, if you want to talk to me. I’m not Doctor Who anymore!”
And in honour of this wonderful, sweary revival, here are some of Tucker’s all-time greatest lines:
1. “You’re a fucking omnishambles, that’s what you are. You’re like that coffee machine, you know: from bean to cup, you fuck up.”
2. “Who was it that did your media training, Myra Hindley? It’s terrible! All these hands all over the place. You were like a sweaty octopus trying to unhook a bra. It was like watching John Leslie at work.”
3. “Your only problem was a fucking shit pun in a newspaper, and a face like Dot Cotton licking piss off a nettle.”
4. “Does that not fit within your purview, Marie Antoinette? Why don’t you just scuttle off back to fucking Cranford and play around with your tea and your cakes and your fucking horse cocks. Let them eat c**k!”
5. “I’ve never seen anybody look so fucking ugly with just one head.”