You remember the first PlayStation, don’t you? When you used to go into Toys R Us and hog it for a good hour? Maybe you don’t - we’re all terribly old here at ShortList, all doddering old bats pottering about like malfunctioning Roombas - but you’ll surely recognise that it exists, you young, PlayStation 4-having punk!
And now, it’s back! In a teeny tiny form, for £89.99 and with 20 classic games pre-loaded onboard.
So far they’ve announced Final Fantasy VII, Jumping Flash, Ridge Racer Type 4, Tekken 3, and Wild Arms, but there’ll probs be Tomb Raider, right? Or Abe’s Odyssey, please? What about Music 2000 - that would make all our dreams come true.
This version of the console is 45% smaller than the original PlayStation, which launched nearly 24 years ago - meaning you can very easily throw it out of the window if you crash your car just before the finish line on Ridge Racer - but thankfully, the controllers are not 45% smaller, for it would be mighty frustrating to attempt an up-down-up-down-square-circle-triangle combo if your thumb covers the entire left side of the controller.
For the frankly ludicrous (good ludicrous) price of £89.99, you’ll get the console, two (normal sized) controllers, an HDMI cable, a USB cable and those 20 classic games we just talked about; also, you’ll get a load of FUN! Remember FUN? You used to have it! Maybe you don’t have it anymore! So buy a goddamn PlayStation, stop your incessant crying and have it again!
You can use that on the advert if you like, Sony - just chuck us a tenner for it, no bother.
Anyway, it’s out December 3 in the UK, just in time for the birthday of Santa Claus or whatever the hell it is, the same day the console first arrived in Japan back in 1994.
If you can’t wait until then, you can easily pick up the similarly small-versions-of-classic-consoles mini NES or SNES, but to remember those consoles you’ve got to be at least one billion years old.
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