A lock of your own hair. A voodoo doll replica of your mother-in-law. A shoe box labelled "Toenail clippings: 1996 - 2014".
Each admirable contestants for "Creepiest Christmas Present Of All Time", all runners up to the Mushion...
Available from Firebox for the humble sum of £14.99 (or £29.99 for a pack of three), the Mushion allows you to plant your own features (or those of a friend) onto a cushion - which is more horrifying than you'd think.
Simply upload a photo of your preferred face - unobscured and ideally over 500kb - and the service will superimpose it onto a larger-than-life cushion.
The potential for creating awkward Secret Santa moments in the office has just been taken to terrifying levels.
"I thought you might like to... sit on my face?" *Childish sniggers abound*