It’s been an… OK year for films, I guess? There have been a few absolute corkers, and a fair amount of mediocrity.
It’s getting to the point of the year now where we all try to catch up on the big movies we missed, if only to avoid hearing sentences like: What, you still haven’t seen Get Out, oh my god, you have to see Get Out, it’s, like, the best movie ever…
To be fair, you probably should see Get Out, it is extremely good - why is why it’s topped Empire magazine’s list of the best movies of 2017.
The film mag have named their ten favourite films of the year - it includes Moonlight and The Handmaiden, both of which were released in 2016 in the US, but early 2017 over here.
I also regret to inform you that while they’ve put together a pretty good list, and few could argue with a lot of the top choices, they have made one glaring omission which makes the entire thing invalid, but more of that later.
First, the top ten…
An absolutely worthy winner. Jordan Peele’s brilliant horror-comedy took the world by storm when it came out at the beginning of the year, and very much lives up to its title, in that you are shouting it at the screen for the entire second half of the movie.
2.'Blade Runner 2049'
One of those movies that was excellent, but no one actually bothered to go and see, and as such lost an absolute truckload of money. We will forever remember that weird day a couple of months ago why the sky turned orange in London and we all thought we were in this film.
3.'La La Land'
Oh hey again Ryan. Empire have controversially ranked La La Land above Moonlight, here (or maybe they did it by accident…). It’s much cooler to hate this film than it is to like it. Some said it was outstanding, others thought it was terrible, in reality, it was probably somewhere in between.
The movie that made Mahershala Ali the star he always deserved to be, and a deserving winner of Best Picture after the almighty Oscars cock up that actually made the ceremony worth watching again.
5.'The Death of Stalin'
Top of my list of ‘films I really need to see very soon’, which means literally nothing to you lot, I know. Sorry. My housemate really enjoyed it, though, if that helps.
Dunkirk is the sort of movie you’d expect would be in with a very good shout at the Oscars, given that it ticks the key necessary box of being absolutely harrowing. Yes, a film with Harry Styles in really could win an Oscar.
7.'God's Own Country'
A movie set in Yorkshire making the top ten films of the year? There’s no way we’re going to argue with that. A beautiful movie, and not just because of the scenery.
It’s quite strange to see an X-Men movie be this genuinely good, but Logan pulls it off. Hugh Jackman seems to be more hair than face at this point, which is mildly concerning. Someone keep an eye on him, please, we don’t want him to be consumed.
A lot of people (including me) probably won’t have seen Chan-wook Park’s drama set in 1930s Korea, but Empire said of it: “The Handmaiden is at once a superlative thriller and a deeply erotic character study, but it’s the intelligence, mordant wit and depth of characterisation that are the real turn-ons.”
10.'Call Me by Your Name'
The most recent movie on the list, Call Me by Your Name - about a gay relationship set in Italy - is actually is cinemas right now, so you should go and see it. Go! Go now! Get out! What are you still doing here?!
OK so yes, nice list Empire, well done. Those are some good movies you’ve gone and picked out, HOWEVER, I can’t stand with it, and will not accept it.
Why? Well, you have forgotten all about one man. One man whose film does not just deserve a seat at the table, but at the very head of it. A man who is the centre of the most charming, thoroughly enjoyable movie of 2017. A man who is in fact a small bear, from darkest Peru, who goes by the name of PADDINGTON.
Yes, it might be for children, and OK, it doesn’t carry the weighty societal message of Get Out or have the gravitas of Dunkirk, but man, I love that bear.
For what it is trying to achieve - a heartwarming and enjoyable ride with just the right amount of peril, Paddington 2 is a perfect movie, so congratulations, Paddington, for coming top of the most important movie list of the year, the movie list INSIDE MY HEART.