Come Dine With Me is, and you know this, fantastic and amazing in almost every possible way. It will also, along with the cockroaches, be around after we all die, when the world is an apocalyptic wasteland - it will still, somehow, be a thing. And the cockroaches will love it.
Thankfully, we are not all dead yet, so we can continue to enjoy this most wondrous of shows, a show that gifts us absolutely astonishing moments like this classic, which you all will have seen already, I surmise:
Really good, those. Really, genuinely good. And so is another, more terrifying clip that has recently come to light. A clip that perhaps even overshadows the two above, a clip unlike anything you’ve seen before, a clip that will cause you to emit noises that you have never heard your own body make in the entirety of its existence.
Like, if you can make it to the end of this clip without your entire being collapsing in on itself like the house at the end of Poltergeist, then you are a warrior who must lead us into battle should there ever be an intergalactic war. You are humanity’s greatest hope. If you make it to the end of this clip, you are omnipotent.
The drafting process begins here:
That feeling inside your head? It’s your skull pulling away from your skin and shrinking down into your neck. That bubbling in your stomach? It’s because it’s rapidly shriveling up to the size of a raisin. Your knees? They’re absolutely gone mate, you are dying, this is what it feels like to die, this is Come Die With Me.
I could write 3000 words on that video up there, but I won’t because the video has already written 10,000 much better words for me - the video is doing my job, the video has destroyed journalism, the video is on its way to killing the entire human race.
How long though, before another video from this beautiful show usurps it? Not long, one would guess, as it is a constant conveyor belt of televisual gold and therefore should be worshipped for the ungodly treasure that it is.
P.S. never watch that video ever again.
Come Dine With Me is on weekdays at 8pm on The Cockroach Network.
(Image: Channel 4)