Here's the thing: this is totally what it sounds like. We could fill you in with those important little details and facts that everyone seems so obsessed with lately, but it still boils down to this. A man - a man on a horse - lassoed a bike thief to stop him getting away.
23-year-old Victorino Arellano-Sanchez was attempting to snaffle a mountain bike from an Oregon Walmart when people in the parking lot began braying (first and last horse pun, we promise) about his misdeeds.
A nearby man, who witnesses genuinely, literally, no-word-of-a-lie referred to as the "Lone Ranger", began to chase after the thief on his horse. Because America.
Robert Borba (because no matter how cool it is, no one's mum writes "Lone Ranger" on a birth certificate) then lassoed the thief and kept him tied up while waiting for police to arrive.
Officer Chris Adams of Eagle Point Police said that after he arrived on the scene, Borba - still sitting atop his horse - said: "Can I have my rope back? I've gotta go."
Sanchez is now in custody and a new hero has officially been born.