Rigorously analysing that Banksy auction crowd to figure out which one is Banksy
We have scientifically worked out his identity once and for all
Banksy did a silly thing the other week when he decked that painting in the neck with a row of knives in front of a packed auction house, didn’t he? This thing:
But is Banksy actually in the room, there?
The video comes from his official Instagram account so there’s a good chance it could be him filming it, meaning he’s probably not in that video.
However, there’s another video out there, and people reckon they’ve caught Banksy red-handed - here it is:
But which one is he?
Which one of that lot in that there video is the actual, literal Banksy, the naughty spray-paint man?
Well, let’s ah a luh shall we?
Chances are, it is not this man, for he is far too busy trying to chirpse the women sitting near him, and also he is very close to the picture, so is not situated correctly in the room to have made the video on Banksy’s Instagram. Mainly the chirpsing thing, though. Look at the glasses on his head - he’s putting every ounce of effort into this.
It’s neither of these two either, is it? Green looks way too suspicious to be Banksy - he’s got other things on his mind, dangerous things. An absolute art thief, this bloke. And Red looks like he’s about to (or already has done) himself a downstairs disservice, which would draw far too much attention to him, were he the famously secretive artist.
These two art nerds were probably not even born when Banksy started his career in vandalism so it’s blatantly not them. A cold hard fact: Banksy does not look like either of these two, and a pony on the table to prove it, mate.
Red is absolutely not doing a good job of being inconspicious so = not him. And green is this bloke:
Who we absolutely want to be Banksy more than anyone else. Having a whale of a time, he is. An absolute whale of it. Whaling all over the shop. “That’ll teach ‘em! Those bozo art berks!” he’s thinking.
Good chance of it being this guy, because if you look, he’s subtly putting a big middle finger up to the establishment. SPIN ON IT, ART! UP YOURS MONEY!
It’s neither Red nor Green, the clumsy pair - they’ve not got a clue what’s going on. Complete pair of Chuckle Brothers norsing it up to Devon and back.
Also featuring: Blue, now facing a stark rejection as a direct result of Banksy stealing the show. Glasses have fallen back down and everything. Bleak.
Now this is where it gets juicy. Look at this:
Yep, people reckon that’s Robert Del Naja from Massive Attack, who has long been thought to be Banksy, thanks to Goldie accidentally revealing his name on a podcast, and there’s no denying that that bloke making a swift French exit looks mighty like Del Naja. Is that bloody Banksy? Is that bloody well him?
Maybe, but then there’s this bloke:
Who could very well be the famed Robin Gunningham, the Bristol street-artist who is the current front-runner for Banksy’s true identity. Here’s the most well-known photo of Robin:
Looks like him, don’t it? Plus, if you’ll please then direct your gaze towards his mobile phone, you may notice that the angle looks extremely similar to the one that appeared on Banksy’s official Insta vid. What a co-inc-id-ence.
What do you reckon? Think the mystery has finally been solved? Course you do, and it’s all thanks to us. We present to you, the REAL BANKSY:
BUZZ OFF ART SUCKERS!