50 Noel Gallagher quotes

When you're chatting to Noel Gallagher, you can expect to be in for a certain amount of controversy. Like his estranged brother, Noel has a definite way with words.

He proved himself a comedian of the highest order through the course of this hilarious DVD commentary, so here are 50 of the older Gallagher's finest quotes.

(Images: Rex Features)

Noel Gallagher

"Is there anything funnier than a dog, going down the high street with his face hangin' out the window?"

Noel Gallagher

"I was on the verge of saying to my daughter, 'There is no Father Christmas' - I'm looking forward to breaking the news in about two years."

Noel Gallagher

"Jack White, right, has just done a song for Coca-Cola. End of. He ceases to be in the club. And he looks like Zorro on doughnuts."

Noel Gallagher

"I despise hip hop. Loathe it. Eminem is an idiot and I find 50 Cent the most distasteful character I have ever crossed in my life."

Noel Gallagher

"Paul McCartney, one of the best songwriters of all time, has only produced manure for the past 25 years."

Noel Gallagher

"Kylie Minogue is just a demonic little idiot as far as I'm concerned."

Noel Gallagher

"Liam is... rude, arrogant, intimidating and lazy. He's the angriest man you'll ever meet. He's like a man with a fork in a world of soup."

Noel Gallagher

“I had built for me a customized 1967 Mark II Jaguar convertible at a cost of £110,000, and I haven’t got a driving license. It’s useless to me.”

Noel Gallagher

"You can't get bored of 15,000 people shouting for 'Wonderwall'. That's better than drugs. You get a hard-on when you hear that.”

Noel Gallagher

“I feel sorry for Keane. No matter how hard they try they’ll always be squares. Even if one of them started injecting heroin into onto his cock people would go ‘Yeah but your dad was a vicar, good night’.”

Noel Gallagher

"We're not arrogant, we just believe we're the best band in the world."

Noel Gallagher

"As soon as people realise that the majority of people in this country take drugs, then the better off we'll all be."

Noel Gallagher

"Sure I love Liam, but not as much as I love Pot Noodles."

Noel Gallagher

"Nothing bothers me more than when groups like Pearl Jam and Nirvana whine and moan and complain about life and being famous. Let me tell you, being famous is great!"

Noel Gallagher

"Just because you sell lots of records it doesn't mean to say you`re any good. Look at Phil Collins."

Noel Gallagher

"I wasn't put on this earth to amass money or personal wealth. I was put on this earth to play guitar and write songs."

Noel Gallagher

"We dragged English guitar music out of the gutter."

Noel Gallagher

"I'm a great songwriter, but I'm not the most talented musician."

Noel Gallagher

"We like annoying people. It's a Manchester thing. It's a trait. We just like pissing people off."

Noel Gallagher

"I f***ing love U2 and I always have done - I love the size of that band. Whether you like them or not, you cannot deny that U2 have written some great f***ing songs."

Noel Gallagher

"Twenty years from now, will we listen to Lady Gaga? No. She might think she is making a stand for the freaks and the weirdos. But they're not going to have any decent f***ing music to play are they?"

Noel Gallagher

“Writing songs, that's what gets me going. Not the drugs or the sex or the rock'n'roll behaviour, it's the music.”

Noel Gallagher

“What did I think of Jay-Z doing 'Wonderwall'? It was pretty funny. But I’m not sure one should be seen in public with a white Stratocaster.”

Noel Gallagher

“Why is Posh Beckham writing a f***ing book of her memoirs? she can't even chew chewing gum and walk in a f***ing straight line at the same time, let alone write a book.”

Noel Gallagher

"Look. I was a superhero in the '90s. I said so at the time. McCartney, Weller, Townshend, Richards, my first album's better than all their first albums. Even they'd admit that.”

Noel Gallagher

"But, you see, Louis Walsh, he's mad as a box of frogs isn't he? He lives in a parallel universe."

Noel Gallagher

"If you don't want to be the biggest band in the world, you may as well pack it in."

Noel Gallagher

"Americans are crazy. They have this fascination with throwing their shoes on stage. I've been to a lot of shows in me life, some good and some bad. But I was never moved to take off me shoes and throw it at the lead singer."

Noel Gallagher

"Someone told me 'Supersonic' was about teenage prostitution. S***. It's about a nine-stone Rottweiler called Elsa who was in the studio where we were recording."

Noel Gallagher

"I still tell people that the 'Be Here Now' album is the best advertisement against taking cocaine. It goes on too long, it's smothered by its self of self-importance - the same as coke users are."

Noel Gallagher

"I don't think two blokes having the same f***ing argument for 16 years over and over is the stuff of opera. Oasis: The Opera would be very short."

Noel Gallagher

“I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for my Mum. I know I've got Irish blood because I wake up everyday with a hangover.”

Noel Gallagher

“I'm equal part genius, equal part buffoon.”

Noel Gallagher

“I'm embarrassed when I see Brits abroad; they have their tops off, wear flip flops, and shout at the top of their voices.”

Noel Gallagher

"I never really see myself as being a frontman and I can see it being a major pain in the ass for me"

Noel Gallagher

"I'm not a tweeter ... Stuff like, 'Oh I'm going for a shower,' great. 'I slept in again, bugger.' Life's too short for that kind of thing"

Noel Gallagher

"Politics is like football for me. Labour is my team and even if you don`t like a striker you don`t give up supporting the whole team."

Noel Gallagher

"Cat Deeley bands, that`s what The Flaming Lips and The Darkness are. But nothing against Cat Deeley, I`m sure she's a very nice girl."

Noel Gallagher

"I don't get the Britney thing. I certainly don't get the *NSYNC, the Robbie Williams or the Gorillaz thing. There's a lot of things I don't get."

Noel Gallagher

"There has never been a cool keyboard player, apart from Elton John."

Noel Gallagher

"The boy bands of the day such as Spandau Ballet and Duran Duran could all play their instruments. It`s so far removed from the bands of today like Westlife and Boyzone, who are utter s***."

Noel Gallagher

"I doubt one of these guys from the G8 is on a quick 15-minute break at Gleneagles and sees Annie Lennox singing 'Sweet Dreams' and thinks ... 'She might have a point there, you know'"

Noel Gallagher

"I'm not going to cut my nose off to spite my face by saying I will never play those songs again. Nobody helped me write those songs. I'm not cheating on anybody. If I feel like playing She's Electric, then I'll f***ing play it."

Noel Gallagher

"Liam only has two problems - everything he fucking says and everything he fucking does"

Noel Gallagher

"If I ever get to go to the moon, I'll probably just stand on the moon and go 'Hmmm, yeah...fair enough...gotta go home now."

Noel Gallagher

"When we started off, we wanted the girls, the cocaine, the fur coats. It wasn't like it was an act; it was almost like working-class people winning the pools. We went bananas."

Noel Gallagher

"I'm not like John Lennon, who thought he was the great Almighty. I just think I'm John Lennon."

Noel Gallagher

"If I saw an alien, I'd tell it to f*** right off because whatever planet he came from they wouldn't have the Beatles or any decent f***ing music... I ain't going nowhere with them."

Noel Gallagher

"My laws would be: Smoke where you want, drink what you want, whenever you want. Get the age of consent down. Legalize drugs. Kill all the people who like grunge music. Kill all surfboarders. Melt the snow. Anybody who wears a cowboy hat should get the electric chair."

Noel Gallagher

"All I would like to say is that I'm rich and you're not."