Food & Drink

What your coffee order says about you

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Carl Anka
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Espressos are for snobs, mochas are for teenagers and people who prefer decaf are a complete mystery. That’s just some of the findings of five-year coffee barista veteran Maya Gorman.

Australia barista Maya has recently been talking to Daily Mail Australia about what baristas really think of your coffee order and the results are enlightening. 

Like an espresso? Then your barista probably thinks you’re a high-flying, business-minded snob according to Maya. Apparently, in her experience, an espresso drinker “likely doesn’t want a lid and will give the cup back to staff with a haughty smirk before kindly getting the hell out”.

Tough break.

Cappuccino drinkers are similarly no nonsense personality types: “Just want to get a hit and get out, no bum-fluff involved”, says Maya. “Either that or you’ve never had a coffee before and it’s the only one you know because they said it on Friends that one time.”

Capuccino drinkers - either just want their hit, or are ordering it because they saw in on 'Friends'

Apparently age is likely to shape your coffee order, with over 40s preferring extra hot flat whites. As Maya puts it, “desperate emphasis on the temperature of the beverage as it’s probably the hottest thing in your life right now.”

On the other end of the age spectrum, mochas were ordered by teenagers who were ready to take the training wheels off.  Or as our tongue in cheek barista says, mochas are typically ordered by “a 15-year-old girl who can’t quite stomach coffee just yet, but wants to look sophisticated in front of her friends with a coffee in period one at school”.

Like a chai latte? Then you’re probably “someone who has just come from the gym and has read about the bad effects of coffee”. Not that the chai will help, as Maya explains: “They've decided they want to get a chai to stick with their one-day health regime that will probably fail in a week.”

You are what you drink

So who *does* have a nice personality based on their coffee order? Macchiato drinkers. Fans of a single espresso with a small amount of milk are likely to be “extremely well dressed” according to Maya. “Many layers, scarves and that sort of thing. An over the top Broadway kind of person,” she explained. 

Maya had a lot of strong opinions, so it’s no surprised the subject of her biggest ire is the weakest coffee of them all – decaf.

“So many people say coffee is a pick-me up but then they order decaf and it doesn't do anything for you and it tastes like crap... that's a complete perplexity to me,” she said.

“Most likely women that come in with a group that order espressos and then the one person who can't quite handle the heat the coffee might give them orders a decaf, scared that they might run riot in the office later,” Maya added. 

So… what does your coffee order say about you? Your barista probably hates you. Maybe tip them next time to avoid any verbal judgement.

(Images: iStock)

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Carl Anka

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