Music

I asked a feng shui expert to analyse Jamiroquai's 'Virtual Insanity' video to explain my long-standing unease with it

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Gary Ogden
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The room in Jamiroquai’s famous 1996 music video for ‘Virtual Insanity’ has haunted my nightmares for 22 years, so I used the power of feng shui to help me understand why

Here’s something that I think - I think - is in the Bible and the Dictionary, the two most truest books in the world (it’s also in Roger’s Thesaurus or some other true book as well): ‘Virtual Insanity’ by Jamiroquai is an undeniable banger of extremely heightened proportions. It’s so so great and you can’t deny it, because it’s true, there’s no way to oppose this. Also, another thing that is in the DictioBible is that the video is mouth-open, slap-the-side-of-your-cheek fantastic.

Yet herein lies the problem. Herein, lies the massive problem that I have had with it for such a large proportion of my life: it’s too good. Something is off about it. It doesn’t make sense. It provides me with a deep-seated sense of agitation because I don’t know how it works. 

I’ve read at length about it and I’m not afraid to admit I still have no idea what the hell is going on at any point in it. This video is - and I am not using hyperbole here - the bane of my life.

What is wrong with that room? Why does it affect my life, so? To find out, I sought some help from an expert - I spoke to Master Priya Sher, a professional feng shui specialist, and asked her what the hell was going on in that room, and why it was filling me with such debilitating unrest.

Just look at it:

Let’s get to the bottom of this: 

Priya says:

“Feng Shui is about creating a balanced and comfortable space where the Qi/energy can flow gently to support the well-being of its occupants. A space should feel inviting and calm. This space is too yin; cold, stark and clinical, almost morgue, underground vault or operation theatre-like.

“There are no windows to let in any natural light which is important for a healthy space. There is no stability because everything seems to be constantly moving. The energy can not be contained.

“This space couldn’t nourish your energy.”

This is starting to make sense. Every time I look at this Godforsaken room, my energy is depleted, my Qi is unable to flow properly. This music video is sapping my spirit.

But let’s go a little deeper, for the room changes constantly throughout. Is there ever a point in the video where the space works, where its energy is able to flow freely, where I am able to look at it without succumbing to a weighty and swirling inner turmoil? Let’s have a look:

“The sofas look out of proportion and Isolated in this barren room, there needs to be other furniture, plants, soft lighting lamps, a rug etc in here to balance the proportions. There is no connection in the alignment of the armchair and the sofa so the people sitting there would not be able to communicate comfortably.

“The only positive here is that the sofa and armchair are supported by the wall to provide some support to the people who sit on them. However, people still wouldn’t be comfortable because of the surroundings.”

“The sofa is in direct line to the door so this Qi becomes negative, like an arrow pointing to you.”

“One sofa is supported, the other is just placed randomly in a diagonal position with its back to the armchair. The energy can not flow smoothly with this formation.”

[Also, there’s a whacking great cockroach on the floor, and in my experience, that means my energy immediately flows straight out of the door, out into the back garden and over the fence, and doesn’t stop flowing until it is at least a mile away.]

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“The two sofas are too close together there’s nothing comfortable in this seating arrangement as it’s too close and the armchair is still isolated.”

“This is probably the best seating arrangement so far. Both sofas are facing each other and supported by the wall so the occupants can sit and communicate with each other. The armchair is still isolated however.”

[Unfortunately, that man in the hat is still in there and he will not leave.]

“The room looks too stark and empty with this arrangement of sofa and armchair and there is no harmony in its alignment. This kind of arrangement is okay for a waiting room.”

“The blood makes this space totally yin, like an A&E operation theatre. The sofas are still not in harmony with each other.”

So as you can see, the room violates almost every core principle of feng shui. But what, on a personal level, does this mean?

Priya explains:

“The energy is totally unbalanced. Any space you spend time in you absorb its energy; so the occupants would feel unstable, unsupported, depleted, sad, confused and fearful.”

Unstable, unsupported, depleted, sad, confused and fearful - all emotions I have felt while watching this video. Everything makes sense now - the reason behind my long-standing problem with the video has come to the fore. 

So what now? Well, if I take the room arrangement that Priya mentioned was the most agreeable, and refer to her points about the room needing “windows to let in […] natural light” and “other furniture, plants, soft lighting lamps, rug etc […] to balance the proportions”, as well as the rogue, out-of-place armchair at the back messing up the flow, then I am able to design a layout of the room that is much more in-keeping with the principles of feng shui.

From now on, I shall only view this room when listening to ‘Virtual Insanity’:

Much better.

Contact Master Priya Asher for a consultation at her website, here.

Most emails are rubbish. Ours isn't

(Images: YouTube)

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Gary Ogden

Shortlist writer and "the least woke person in the office", Gary Ogden, likes horror movies, Cheestrings, tapping his leg under the desk, "having a drink", hiding from responsibility, screaming into the mirror whenever he is alone, and assorted other things. Mainly the screaming thing though. @garyblogden

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