Films

50 Craziest B-Movies

While many films are created to be savoured, discussed and examined with endless precision, there are others which emerge from a dark basement, intent on providing you with something to watch when you're drunk and unable to focus.

They hold a necessary place (no one should see Requiem For A Dream while intoxicated, believe us) and even though many have died a death on VHS, we think they deserve to be dug up.

So, here's a guide to 50 films you won't believe are actual things. Just take our word for it.

  • 50 Craziest B-Movies

    For Y'ur Height Only (1981)

    Plot:The only one who can foil Mr Giant's evil scheme is Agent 00, a 3-foot tall filipino martial arts master, expert marksman, top-class romancer and all-round superspy.

    Trivia: In 1981, First Lady Imelda Marcos launched the Manila International Film Festival to showcase Filipino culture. To her, and everyone else's, surprise, this was the only film that sold.

  • 50 Craziest B-Movies 1

    Tammy And The T-Rex (1994)

    Plot: After Michael is murdered, an evil scientist implants his brain into a robotic dinosaur. He escapes and goes on the run with his understandably bemused girlfriend Tammy.

    Trivia: Contains not one, but two embarrassing, pre-fame appearances. Tammy is played by Denise Richards while Michael is played by Paul Walker.

  • 50 Craziest B-Movies 2

    Chopping Mall (1986)

    Plot: Eight teenagers are trapped after hours in a high tech shopping mall and pursued by three murderous security robots out of control.

    Trivia: Was originally titled Killbots but after it flopped, it gained the much more appealing title of Chopping Mall. It still flopped though.

  • 50 Craziest B-Movies 3

    The Lair Of The White Worm (1988)

    Plot: Lady Sylvia steals a mysterious skull and uses it to erotically worship her pagan god, the white worm, a massive malevolent beast that starts murdering virgins.

    Trivia: Stars both Hugh Grant and Peter Capaldi as pagan snake slayer and skull unearther respectively. Next time you see either one of them, please bring this film up.

  • 50 Craziest B-Movies 4

    Matango - Attack Of The Mushroom People (1963)

    Plot: A group of young people crash their yacht and end up on a deserted island where their hunger causes them to eat evil mushrooms and transform into fungus-infused beasts.

    Trivia: The mushrooms that the cast ate were actually made from rice pastry but because the chef liked one of the actresses so much, he added sugar as well. What a treat.

  • 50 Craziest B-Movies 5

    The Terror Of Tiny Town (1938)

    Plot: Just your standard B&W western really. An evil gunslinger arrives to make trouble for the inhabitants of a small town. Oh, just one thing, every member of the cast is a midget.

    Trivia: The film came about when the producer overheard someone saying “If this economy doesn’t turn around, we’ll have to start making pictures with midgets.”

  • 50 Craziest B-Movies 6

    My Boyfriend's Back (1993)

    Plot: A high schooler comes back from the dead to take his sweetheart to prom. With or without body parts.

    Trivia: An unusual hotbed for talent, the film contains pre-fame turns from Renee Zellweger, Matthew Fox, Matthew McConaughey AND Phillip Seymour Hoffman

  • 50 Craziest B-Movies 7

    Frankenhooker (1990)

    Plot: After his fiancé is killed in a lawnmower accident (it happens), a med student decides to bring her back to life, using the body parts of various prostitutes.

    Trivia: Celebrity fan Bill Murray was quoted as saying “If you see one movie this year, it should be Frankenhooker.”

  • 50 Craziest B-Movies 8

    Fat Guy Goes Nutzoid (1986)

    Plot: An overweight patient escapes from a mental institution and travels to New York City for some fun and adventure. Oh and farting.

    Trivia: Stars Oscar nominee Joan Allen, AFTER she starred in Michael Mann's iconic Manhunter.

  • 50 Craziest B-Movies 9

    Hitler Meets Christ (2007)

    Plot: Two men meet on a train. One thinks he's Hitler and one thinks he's Christ. FIGHT!

    Trivia: Was based on a play called Hitler and Christ meet Death at the Port Authority Bus Station, which somehow happens to be an even worse title.

  • 50 Craziest B-Movies 10

    Weasels Rip My Flesh (1979)

    Plot: After a NASA spacecraft crashes into the ocean, its radioactive outerspace cargo transforms a rabid weasel into a killer mutant.

    Trivia: The film was made by high schoolers who used friends and family as actors and household items for special effects.

  • 50 Craziest B-Movies 11

    Sssssss (1973)

    Plot: A crazy doctor creates a serum that can turn any man into a King Cobra and plans to use it on a college student who has fallen for his daughter.

    Trivia: The film was called "Ssssilbido de muerte" in Spain which translates, amazingly, to "Hiss of Death".

  • 50 Craziest B-Movies 12

    Elves (1989)

    Plot: Three girls are terrorised by an elf, created by the Nazis. His aim is to mate with a virgin so he can begin a new half-human/half-elf master race.

    Trivia: Contains this insane exchange: Kirsten’s Mother: “Your father’s in the study”, Kirsten: “What? No, grandfather’s in the study. Dad is dead”, Kirsten’s Mother: “Your grandfather is your grandfather AND your father”

  • 50 Craziest B-Movies 13

    The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies (1964)

    Plot: While at the carnival, Jerry falls in love with an evil fortune teller's sister and becomes a zombie enforcer in the process. He's tricked into becoming a murderer to protect a cage full of zombies. Is also a musical.

    Trivia: James Woods is rumoured to be an extra.

  • 50 Craziest B-Movies 14

    Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things (1973)

    Plot: A group of young actors on a deserted island find themselves at the mercy of some flesh-eating zombies. Sadly, the film doesn't contain any real children.

    Trivia: Director Bob Clark went on to helm Porky's and, ermm, Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2, aka the second lowest film ever on IMDb.

  • 50 Craziest B-Movies 15

    Shakma (1990)

    Plot: A baboon is given an accidental overdose of adrenaline and kills a group of teenagers as they play a Dungeons and Dragons type game in a large building.

    Trivia: As a depressing in-joke, the film starred Roddy McDowell who was in the original Planet of the Apes.

  • 50 Craziest B-Movies 16

    Death Spa (1990)

    Plot: The evil spirit of a leisure centre owner's dead wife is reborn in her brother's body and uses an advanced computer system to kill off gym-goers in variously gruesome fitness-related ways. Watch out for that steam room!

    Trivia: Was also known as Witch Bitch.

  • 50 Craziest B-Movies 17

    Night Of The Lepus (1972)

    Plot: After an Arizona ranch is plagued by rabbits, a failed idea to suppress them results in giant, cow-eating bunnies terrorising the locals.

    Trivia: The killer rabbit effects were achieved by having normal-sized rabbits run around on miniature sets yet a man in a rabbit costume was used for some attack scenes.

  • 50 Craziest B-Movies 18

    The Gingerdead Man (2005)

    Plot: A gingerbread man comes alive when possessed by the spirit of an evil killer who was sent to the electric chair. Gingerbread man played by...Gary Busey.

    Trivia: Was followed by Gingerdead Man 2: Passion of the Crust and the forthcoming Gingerdead Man 3-D: Saturday Night Cleaver. We're not making this up.

  • 50 Craziest B-Movies 19

    Rubber (2011)

    Plot: A tyre called Robert discovers he has telepathic powers and soon uses them to murderous effect, while simultaneously developing an obsession with a mysterious woman.

    Trivia: It is directed by Mr. Oizo (you remember Flat Beat right) who sees Rubber as a rather serious art film...

  • 50 Craziest B-Movies 20

    Hercules Against The Moon Men (1964)

    Plot: Hercules is summoned to oppose the evil Queen Samara, who has allied herself with aliens and is sacrificing her own people in a bid to awaken a moon goddess.

    Trivia: The Italian film was dubbed into English and the lead character changed from Maciste to Hercules, to make him more recognisable to audiences.

  • 50 Craziest B-Movies 21

    I Was A Zombie For The FBI (1982)

    Plot: A pair of criminal brothers start working for the FBI after they discover that aliens are trying to conquer earth by turning humans into zombies by polluting their cola.

    Trivia: The film was made for just $27,000 yet gained celebrity fans such as Bob Dylan and Dennis Hopper.

  • 50 Craziest B-Movies 22

    Killer Klowns From Outer Space (1988)

    Plot: A small town is invaded by evil aliens who look like clowns. They then ensare the locals with a variety of weapons, including killer shadow puppets and vicious balloon animals.

    Trivia: The tagline for the film was 'In space, no one can eat ice cream'.

  • 50 Craziest B-Movies 23

    Santa Claus Conquers The Martians (1964)

    Plot: Children on Mars have become obsessed with Santa via TV shows from earth so they kidnap him but, sadly, the spirit of Christmas saves the day. Or something.

    Trivia: Despite being seen as one of the worst films ever made, rumours of a remake have been circulating since 2000 with Jim Carrey apparently interested in starring.

  • 50 Craziest B-Movies 24

    Monsturd (2003)

    Plot: After escaping from jail, a convicted killer falls into a pool of chemicals in a sewer, where he is transformed into a half-human, half-faecal creature.

    Trivia: The makers also created the similarly odd horror films Retardead (about mentally handicapped zombies) and Rectuma (about a man whose bum turns into a killer).

  • 50 Craziest B-Movies 25

    The Ghost In The Invisible Bikini (1966)

    Plot: A ghost has 24 hours to perform a good deed and enlists help from his hot but dead girlfriend to stop his evil lawyer from swiping his estate from his cousin.

    Trivia: Contains performances from Boris Karloff and Nancy Sinatra.

  • 50 Craziest B-Movies 26

    Dinocroc Vs Supergator (2010)

    Plot: A crazed scientist creates two mutations that escape a laboratory and wreak havoc on a local community. But the town is only big enough for one genetically modified monster so a showdown inevitably occurs.

    Trivia: Sadly contained one of Kill Bill's David Carradine's final roles.

  • 50 Craziest B-Movies 27

    Wrestling Women Vs The Aztec Mummy (1964)

    Plot: The much-anticipated follow-up to Doctor of Doom sees our favourite Mexican female wrestlers get drawn into a battle with an Asian gang who are hoping to resurrect an Aztec mummy.

    Trivia: The Aztec mummy doesn't arrive until the final scene.

  • 50 Craziest B-Movies 28

    Witchery (1988)

    Plot: A woman is taken to her mother-in-law's house and soon discovers that her husband and his mother are reincarnated lovers who were burned at the stake for being witches. Hell then breaks loose.

    Trivia: Stars The Exorcist's Linda Blair and Anaconda 3's David Hasselhoff.

  • 50 Craziest B-Movies 29

    The Man Who Loved Cat Dancing (1973)

    Plot: Jay kidnaps Catherine on his way to rob a train and she discovers that he is haunted by the death of his Indian wife, Cat Dancing.

    Trivia: Steven Spielberg wisely turned down the job to direct this.

  • 50 Craziest B-Movies 30

    The Day of the Dolphin (1973)

    Plot: A scientist trains dolphins to communicate with humans yet two are stolen and trained to assassinate the President of the United States.

    Trivia: Roman Polanski was set to direct yet the death of his wife meant Mike Nichols (The Graduate) stepped in.

  • 50 Craziest B-Movies 31

    Hell Comes To Frogtown (1988)

    Plot: After a nuclear war, women now rule the world. Hell is the name of one of their prisoners who must try and stop their mutant frog-like leader. Problem is, Hell has a bomb attached to his genitals.

    Trivia: Was followed by Frogtown II, Toad Warrior and Max Hell Frog Warrior.

  • 50 Craziest B-Movies 32

    Gore-met, the Zombie Chef From Hell (1986)

    Plot: A cannibal opens up a seafood restaurant, and kills and cooks people to serve to his customers.

    Trivia: Boasted this nonsensical tagline: 'Dining out can be a permanent experience'.

  • 50 Craziest B-Movies 33

    Granny (1999)

    Plot: Eight college students are stalked and killed by a maniac dressed in a granny mask. SPOILER ALERT: it turns out to be one big joke. A bit like the movie really.

    Trivia: Contains a number of strange one-word cast and crew members such as special effects guy Bruno, producer Tomi and assistant Puppy.

  • 50 Craziest B-Movies 34

    Galactic Gigolo (1987)

    Plot: Eoj is a broccoli-shaped alien from the planet Crowak who transforms himself into a silver-suited gigolo when he wins a trip to have sex with women on Earth in a game show.

    Trivia: The similarly themes Earth Girls Are Easy was released the year after but starred Jim Carrey and Geena Davis. Oh and it had nothing to do with broccoli.

  • 50 Craziest B-Movies 35

    The House With Laughing Windows (1976)

    Plot: An art specialist finds his life threatened by the work of an artistic madman who tortured people with his sisters to inspire his paintings.

    Trivia: This Italian horror doesn't contain a single window that laughs. Not even a giggling mirror.

  • 50 Craziest B-Movies 36

    Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama (1988)

    Plot: After three frat boys get caught spying on some sorority hotties, they are ordered to steal a trophy from a bowling alley. But it breaks open and unleashes an evil imp.

    Trivia: Due to the low budget, they couldn't rent the bowling alley at peak times so could only film between 9pm and 9am.

  • 50 Craziest B-Movies 37

    Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter (2001)

    Plot: Christ returns to earth and has to contend with an army of vampires. Oh and it's a musical as well.

    Trivia: The film was shot at weekends during a 2 year period and stars Johnny Vegas as himself. Just not the actual Johnny Vegas.

  • 50 Craziest B-Movies 38

    Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers (1988)

    Plot: While a private eye searches for a runaway, he stumbles upon a cult of prostitutes who use chainsaws to kill men.

    Trivia: The UK video sleeve wasn't allowed to have the word chainsaw used so instead it was called Hollywood Hookers. Yeah, much better.

  • 50 Craziest B-Movies 39

    Microwave Massacre (1983)

    Plot: Sick of his wife's cooking, Donald decides to kill her. He soon becomes obsessed with his microwave and uses human flesh for food.

    Trivia: There is an uncredited cameo from Pee-wee Herman.

  • 50 Craziest B-Movies 40

    Blood Beach (1980)

    Plot: Beachgoers are being dragged into the sand before they can even get to the water. A group of friends discover that a monster is responsible and try to hunt it down.

    Trivia: One of the more obvious Jaws rip-offs, it boasted the tagline: 'Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water...you can't get to it'.

  • 50 Craziest B-Movies 41

    The Video Dead (1987)

    Plot: A family move into a house and discover that there is a haunted television in the attic that acts as a portal for the undead to enter.

    Trivia: The director was also behind a film called Ratdog. Mysteriously, nothing is known about Ratdog.

  • 50 Craziest B-Movies 42

    James Batman (1966)

    Plot: Batman, Robin and James Bond are summoned to see off the threat of an evil emperor's dastardly atom bomb plot.

    Trivia: Hard to track down since it's a completely illegal and blatant rip-off.

  • 50 Craziest B-Movies 43

    Death Bed: The Bed That Eats (1977)

    Plot: A large four-poster bed is possessed by a demon that used to be a tree. It kills a variety of people through the decades.

    Trivia: The film is narrated by an artist who is trapped in a painting.

  • 50 Craziest B-Movies 44

    Babes In Toyland (1986)

    Plot: During a blizzard, a young girl travels to toyland although she has no time for toys. While there, she tries to stop a wedding but will only gain help from the Toymaster once she starts believing in toys.

    Trivia: This one was star-studded, with Drew Barrymore, Keanu Reeves and Pat Morita, aka Mr. Miyagi

  • 50 Craziest B-Movies 45

    Barn Of The Blood Llama (1997)

    Plot: Hillbillies trap women at their Wool-o-Rama where genetic experiments are happening on llamas who have toxic spit. Or something.

    Trivia: Stars famed horror author Clive Barker (he what wrote Candyman) as himself. Hopefully he was playing an embarrassed version of himself.

  • 50 Craziest B-Movies 46

    Blades (1989)

    Plot: A country club is terrorised by a killer lawnmower who preys on golfers.

    Trivia: Boasts the nonsensical Jaws-aping tagline: 'Just when you thought it was safe to putt'.

  • 50 Craziest B-Movies 47

    Blackenkenstein (1973)

    Plot: A Vietnam veteran gets transformed into a gigantic killer thanks to an experimental doctor and his insanely jealous assistant

    Trivia: The set used for a lab in the film actually used items from the original Frankenstein.

  • 50 Craziest B-Movies 48

    Strays (1991)

    Plot: After a troubled family move to an isolated house, they find that an evil family of stray cats are also in residence.

    Trivia: Stars Oscar-nominated Kathleen Quinlan (Apollo 13). Said Oscar was offered after she starred in Strays.

  • 50 Craziest B-Movies 49

    The Sound Of Horror (1964)

    Plot: A group of isolated people in Greece are terrorised by an invisible shrieking dinosaur.

    Trivia: Was the film debut of Ingrid Pitt, who later starred in Doctor Zhivago and The Wicker Man.

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