Jump to Main ContentJump to Primary Navigation
Top

Sorry, but you might have to prepare yourself for a dairy-free Christmas

christmas-pudding-with-orange-brandy-butter-32382-1.jpeg

As soon as you’re over the age of about 13, you start to realise that Christmas isn’t all that exciting. You have to sit around for days on end doing nothing, the TV schedule is mostly shit and you have to spend all your time in one room with your family. The only genuinely good thing about Christmas – unless you’re really spoilt and get loads of outrageous and expensive presents – you soon come to understand, is the food. The delicious, disgusting, artery-clogging food. 

Unfortunately you are not allowed good things because the world is a cruel, hard mistress, and it turns out that many of your favourite Christmas foods could be hard to come by this year – and it’s all because of a nationwide shortage of milk. 

Peder Tuborgh, CEO of farming company Arla, told the BBC this morning that we’re hurtling towards a “butter and cream shortage this Christmas. The first sign we will see of it, is that the price of butter rises very sharply.

"At the moment, we are trying to get as much butter and cream out of our producers," he said, kiiind of weirdly and euphemistically. 

Simon Clapp, a dairy farmer for M&S, Waitrose and Aldi, also told the BBC that there is a “shortage of fats across Europe, and we’re part of that.”

brandy

We regret to inform you that brandy butter is cancelled

“Since Brexit, the pound has weakened, so it's made products here more attractive, so cream is going abroad. We're seeing historic prices even above historic prices we've seen in the past – we've never been in this territory.

“This time last year, we'd spend 80p for cream to go into butter - now it's up to £2.50, £2.60."

Don’t worry too much, though – the National Farmers Union say that despite the dairy price-hike we’re recently seen, Tuborgh’s comments are simply “scaremongering” and that it only “served to concern consumers”, so hopefully you can still smother your boredom and self-hatred with as much brandy butter as you can fit in your mouth this Christmas! Great news! 

Related

iStock-513808004.jpg

The British public voted for its top 10 cheeses, obviously it's wrong

ramsay (1).png

Gordon Ramsay shows you how to cook the perfect steak

deep.PNG

17 foods more American than a deep fried eagle fired from a rifle

iStock-121738161.jpg

Vegetable crisps are officially pointless

rexfeatures_435242s.jpg

What the food you bring to a BBQ says about you

greggs (1).png

Greggs have unveiled their own summer diet plan

hodor.png

KFC's new 'Game of Thrones' themed advert is still way, way too soon

More

The biggest stereotype about men and sex is actually a load of rubbish

We've been wrong this whole time

by Gary Ogden
18 Aug 2017

Discover the words that became cool in the year you were born

Were you born in the year of booty calls or cybersex?

by Emily Reynolds
18 Aug 2017

This German town came up with a genius way of humiliating neo-Nazis

Is this the best possible way to deal with them?

by Alex Finnis
18 Aug 2017

Donald Trump’s lawyer: possibly not racist, definitely not intelligent

Oldest trick in the book

by Tom Victor
17 Aug 2017

The 10 worst cities in the world to live in 2017

To put your first-world problems into perspective

17 Aug 2017

We have some very, very good news about cheese

Cheese lovers, it's our time to shine

by Emily Reynolds
17 Aug 2017

Jurors refuse to work on Martin Shkreli's trial for the best reasons

He is *not* a popular man

by Emily Reynolds
17 Aug 2017

Apparently millennials hate boobs now - but what do we like instead?

These god damn millennials, eh

by Gary Ogden
17 Aug 2017

All the times Donald Trump has failed to condemn far-right extremists

This has gone on for some time

by Tom Victor
16 Aug 2017

Flight attendants share the 25 worst things passengers do

How many of them are you guilty of?

by Gary Ogden
16 Aug 2017