Jump to Main ContentJump to Primary Navigation

Should you be allowed time off for 'pet-ernity' leave? This boss argues yes


I would quite like some time off, if that’s OK. I’d quite like to not go into work for a couple of weeks and still get paid, if you could sort that for me, thanks. Only thing is, the only way to do that is to be sick, which I don’t want to do, or have a baby, which I also don’t want to do. Being sick hurts and makes you do bad things in the toilet, and having a baby means you’ve got to live with a little dickhead for about 18 years. I guess I could also take my holiday, but I need to save that to occasionally take Mondays off when I’m still really hungover, so it’s not ideal.

However, better plan: I CAN GET A DOG. If you work for a Mr. Greg Buchanan’s company, then you can get time off if you buy a new pet. So it doesn’t even need to be a dog. I could get a cat, or a rabbit, or a gecko – I wonder how far I can stretch this? Could I get a house spider? Or a gnat. I’m going to get a gnat.


Is 'pet-ernity' leave a good idea? Or is it ridiculous?

Anyway, he’ll give you ‘pet-ernity’ leave when you cop a new pet, giving you time to get your new furry friend settled into its new home, which is nice, isn’t it. Greg went on This Morning to discuss his radical employee benefit scheme, and predictably, that thing they call Twitter, ‘went off’ as it were. Also predictably, things were pretty much split right down the middle.

Here, looky:

That is all. THAT. IS. ALL.

I think this is good. Like, I don’t really care about the ins-and-outs of it or the reasons behind the idea – I just think it’s good that you can get time off for doing absolutely nothing. Buy a cat, put it on a chair and then get pissed. Money will mysteriously appear in your bank account overnight. Someone will be in your office, snowed under with both their work and your work, but you’ll be on your sofa watching Jean-Claude Van Damme movies. The cat’s outside having a nap under the rose bush – he’s having a great time. So are you.

On a serious note, it can take time to get pets adjusted to their new homes, particularly puppies and cats, so is this really such an outlandish idea?



Get ready, genetically modified Super Dogs are coming


This puppy was abandoned at an airport and now needs a new home


This story of a hamster's traumatic trip to the vet ends brilliantly


All the times Donald Trump has failed to condemn far-right extremists

This has gone on for some time

by Tom Victor
16 Aug 2017

Flight attendants share the 25 worst things passengers do

How many of them are you guilty of?

by Gary Ogden
16 Aug 2017

Obama's response to Charlottesville is now the most-liked tweet ever

Puts Trump's response to shame

by Emily Reynolds
16 Aug 2017

English accents have been ranked by sexiness - where is yours?

You lot up north will be happy

by Gary Ogden
16 Aug 2017

Unmissable TV shows Reddit says you have to watch before you die

From gritty dramas to kids' classics

by Emily Reynolds
15 Aug 2017

The surprising side-effect of spending just 5 minutes on Facebook

It only takes five minutes of Facebooking

by Emily Reynolds
15 Aug 2017

Uber is going to start charging you for making your driver wait

Your cab home's about to get a bit more pricey

by Carl Anka
15 Aug 2017

John Oliver takes down Trump over his comments on Charlottesville

Doing what he does best

by Gary Ogden
14 Aug 2017

This amputee has the best Tinder profile ever

You've gotta hand it to her

11 Aug 2017

Ginger emojis are finally coming!

Justice is finally being done

by Emily Reynolds
11 Aug 2017