The best thing about the transfer window is that literally nothing happens for the entire thing. And then suddenly, with about 8 hours to go the whole thing just explodes.
It’s as if no-one tells the managers they’re allowed to do anything until that agreed moment. Like war in the middle ages.
Maybe Fergie is just sitting there with a big trumpet for the whole window. And until he blows it, thus enabling a promising youngster to go on loan to Crewe, nothing happens. And when he does, the domino rally begins, normally ending with Peter Crouch going somewhere else.
It’s probably most irritating for the wives. Imagine you’re Mrs Chamakh, sitting in your comfy house in South Hertfordshire, just watching the clock while Sunderland desperately try to get their fax machine working in time. I know what she’s thinking.
There’s a brilliant story about one Premier League manager calling Jim White with two minutes until the deadline closing and telling him he’d signed a player only for Jim to tell him that that player was 400 miles away signing for someone else.
What that means is that none of us really know what’s going to happen. But here are my 10 possible transfers for the window. For everyone I get right you should all give me a pound.
Max Rushden volunteers weekly for Shelter from the Storm, providing hot meals and a warm bed to homeless people. For more information visit sfts.org.uk
(Images: All Star, Getty)
Pepe Reina to Arsenal
Everyone seems to think this will happen. Not really sure it makes any sense to anyone involved - so that’s probably why it will.
Jack Butland to Liverpool
The above means this’ll happen. Jack is nice. He brought his parents to Soccer AM and they were also nice. That is not necessarily relevant but it is important.
Klaas-Jan Huntelaar to Arsenal
If Arsene actually does have some money, he may actually buy someone. Klaas is class. And brave.
All of Tottenham's reserves to QPR
As a vague Spurs fan, I’m nervous that Michael Dawson will go. Hopefully he’s worked his way back into AVB’s plans for this not to happen. But expect a Renault Espace load of players to go from White Hart Lane to Loftus Road.
Liam Ridgewell to Newcastle
Two players will leave a team doing well and go to a team doing less well for around 4 million for no apparent reason. Liam Ridgewell leaving West Brom to go up to Newcastle is one. The other is...
Norwich to Aston Villa.
Daniel Sturridge to Liverpool
I trained with him when he was at Bolton and his touch was unreal. Never been given a proper go at Chelsea. Nice fella. If he gets a run and some confidence, will score buckets.
Unknown South American player to Chelsea
And immediately loaned back, upsetting Bryan Swanson and the SkyPad cos there’s not a button for that kind of transfer.
Peter Crouch stays at Stoke
Hundreds of Stoke fans gathered behind Sky Sports News reporter cheer too much and are told to be quiet.
Wilfred Zaha to Spurs
With precisely three minutes to go until the window closes, Wilfred Zaha will be seen behind a tinted window at the Spurs training ground. The paper work will be done with four seconds left. Jim White will explode.