Jump to Main ContentJump to Primary Navigation
Top

Max Rushden's Guide To The Transfer Window

615x330_rushden2.jpg

The best thing about the transfer window is that literally nothing happens for the entire thing. And then suddenly, with about 8 hours to go the whole thing just explodes.

It’s as if no-one tells the managers they’re allowed to do anything until that agreed moment. Like war in the middle ages.

Maybe Fergie is just sitting there with a big trumpet for the whole window. And until he blows it, thus enabling a promising youngster to go on loan to Crewe, nothing happens. And when he does, the domino rally begins, normally ending with Peter Crouch going somewhere else.

It’s probably most irritating for the wives. Imagine you’re Mrs Chamakh, sitting in your comfy house in South Hertfordshire, just watching the clock while Sunderland desperately try to get their fax machine working in time. I know what she’s thinking.

There’s a brilliant story about one Premier League manager calling Jim White with two minutes until the deadline closing and telling him he’d signed a player only for Jim to tell him that that player was 400 miles away signing for someone else.

What that means is that none of us really know what’s going to happen. But here are my 10 possible transfers for the window. For everyone I get right you should all give me a pound.

Max Rushden volunteers weekly for Shelter from the Storm, providing hot meals and a warm bed to homeless people. For more information visit sfts.org.uk

(Images: All Star, Getty)

Pepe Reina to Arsenal

Everyone seems to think this will happen. Not really sure it makes any sense to anyone involved - so that’s probably why it will.

Jack Butland to Liverpool

The above means this’ll happen. Jack is nice. He brought his parents to Soccer AM and they were also nice. That is not necessarily relevant but it is important.

Klaas-Jan Huntelaar to Arsenal

If Arsene actually does have some money, he may actually buy someone. Klaas is class. And brave.

All of Tottenham's reserves to QPR

As a vague Spurs fan, I’m nervous that Michael Dawson will go. Hopefully he’s worked his way back into AVB’s plans for this not to happen. But expect a Renault Espace load of players to go from White Hart Lane to Loftus Road.

Liam Ridgewell to Newcastle

Two players will leave a team doing well and go to a team doing less well for around 4 million for no apparent reason. Liam Ridgewell leaving West Brom to go up to Newcastle is one. The other is...

Anthony Pilkington

Norwich to Aston Villa.

Daniel Sturridge to Liverpool

I trained with him when he was at Bolton and his touch was unreal. Never been given a proper go at Chelsea. Nice fella. If he gets a run and some confidence, will score buckets.

Unknown South American player to Chelsea

And immediately loaned back, upsetting Bryan Swanson and the SkyPad cos there’s not a button for that kind of transfer.

Peter Crouch stays at Stoke

Hundreds of Stoke fans gathered behind Sky Sports News reporter cheer too much and are told to be quiet.

Wilfred Zaha to Spurs

With precisely three minutes to go until the window closes, Wilfred Zaha will be seen behind a tinted window at the Spurs training ground. The paper work will be done with four seconds left. Jim White will explode.

Related

GoalHERO1.jpg

Top 10 Clichéd Goal Celebrations

HERO.jpg

30 pieces of wisdom from football managers

cantona.jpg

When footballers act

Comments

More

Danny Baker's 'The Game': the best football show you've never seen

This show is the meaning of Proper Football

by Adam Hurrey
25 May 2017

Lads jokingly ask Premier League player for a kickabout & he turns up

"Guys I've got a ringer for the match, I think he might be quite useful"

by Matt Tate
24 May 2017

Anthony Joshua wants to fight on the Mayweather-McGregor undercard

The big showdown just got bigger

by Dave Fawbert
22 May 2017

Power and Pain: The incredible loneliness of being superhumanly strong

What drives a person to gain super strength? We travel with strongman Laurence Shahlaei to find out...

by Matt Blake
19 May 2017

We have a contender for the greatest own goal ever scored

Move over Jamie Pollock

by Dave Fawbert
17 May 2017

Conor McGregor has agreed a deal with the UFC to fight Mayweather

Terms have seemingly been arranged

by Dave Fawbert
16 May 2017

Anthony Joshua's next fight has been pencilled in for October

And it won't be at Wembley

by Dave Fawbert
16 May 2017

Spurs fan leaves farewell note to pillar that blocked his view

So long, White Hart Lane

by Dave Fawbert
15 May 2017

Football is on a journey to finally dealing well with mental health

Aaron Lennon's recent situation has led to other players approaching the PFA about their own mental health, but the sport still has a long way to go

by Tom Victor
10 May 2017

Kings of Leon's bassist learnt the hard way not to slag off wrestling

Don't go after WWE, because it'll come back at you much harder

by Matt Tate
09 May 2017