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Twitter stalker by Chris Brookmyre


Sophia Webb @sophiawebb Can’t believe it’s 2013 and The Sun is still reducing womanhood to a pair of tits.

First Blast @firstblast69

@sophiawebb You’re just jealous because yours are probably like deflating party balloons.

First Blast @firstblast69

@sophiawebb What you doing reading the paper anyway. Haven’t you got dishes to do?

Sophia Webb @sophiawebb

@firstblast69 Oh do fast-forward to your inevitable lonely suicide.

First Blast @firstblast69

@sophiawebb I’ll fast forward to stuffing your mouth with my sweaty sock so I can’t hear your ugly moans while I’m f*cking you, bitch.

First Blast @firstblast69

@sophiawebb Notice you haven’t blocked me. Just proves all women secretly want rape.

Sophia Webb @sophiawebb

@firstblast69 Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake. The cops can trace your IP, idiot.

First Blast @firstblast69

@sophiawebb Not on this pre-paid mobile they won’t. It’s a burner, so feel the burn, bitch.

Jasmine Sharp @jasharp91

@firstblast69 They can still pinpoint where a mobile was used.

First Blast @firstblast69

@jasharp91 @sophiawebb Who the hell are you? Good luck tying me to an outdoor location where I’m surrounded by other people.

Jasmine Sharp @jasharp91

@firstblast69 @sophiawebb

I’ve seen your future, pal. Jail features prominently.

First Blast @firstblast69

@jasharp91 @sophiawebb Yeah, well I’ve seen your profile. You look like another one who needs a good c*cking to teach her some manners.

Jasmine Sharp @jasharp91

@firstblast69 @sophiawebb

While you’re telling me what I look like, do I look like the girl in a grey van near your Ford Focus in the Tesco car park?

Jasmine Sharp @jasharp91

@firstblast69 @sophiawebb

Do I look like the private investigator Sophia hired to gather evidence of your stalking, Mr Robert Angus Kessock?

Jasmine Sharp @jasharp91

@firstblast69 @sophiaweb

Or can’t you see my face for the telephoto lens that’s been snapping you as you tweet?

Flesh Wounds by Chris Brookmyre is out now (Little, Brown). He appears at Montrose Library on 25 November, West Dunbartonshire Library on 27 November and Saltcoats Library on 28 November



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