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This incredible bed is the greatest invention of the 21st Century

Posted by
Gary Ogden
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Got yourself a bed, have you? Mattress, sheets, pillows, maybe a drawer if you’re a princess? Yeah, sweet bed, really impressed.

NO I’M NOT.

I’m not at all impressed, because your bed is not the best bed that I’ve ever seen. The best bed that I have ever seen is this:

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That, above, is the greatest bed your man has ever seen. I mean, I don’t even know the name of it, because according to retailer English Tao Bao, it is called: ‘Massage bed tatami bed fabric bed double bed storage bed 1.8m bed modern minimalist bedroom’. I don’t know what that is, but it’s not a name.

Anyway, this bed has the following things:

  • Endless amounts of customisable colours and storage space
  • A hell-load of charging points to charge stuff
  • Built-in speakers for Enya (or any other music I guess do what you want)
  • An actual massage chair attached to it
  • A full-on, flexible work desk
  • A safe
  • Shelves
  • A flippable mattress that hides even more storage space
  • A log flume

Like, this is the best bed ever, as I said – you agree, don’t you? It’s so good I would never get out of it, apart from to go to the, you know, thing. No other reason to ever leave it.

Just look at this beast:

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And here’s a ‘vid’ of it in ‘action’:

If you want one (head over here), it’ll set you back anywhere from $550 (£420) to just over $1000 (£764), which isn’t actually that bad when you consider it could become your actual home forever.

I love it, and I want it. And nobody is allowed in it. Just like my current bed.

(Images: SG Shop/Siam Trend Shop)

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Gary Ogden

Shortlist writer and "the least woke person in the office", Gary Ogden, likes horror movies, Cheestrings, tapping his leg under the desk, "having a drink", PDAs, not having eczema anymore, hiding from responsibility, screaming into the mirror whenever he is alone, and assorted other things. Mainly the eczema thing though. @garyblogden

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