News

The Trumps’ White House’s Christmas decorations look like something out of a horror film

Posted by
Mike Rampton
Published
The Trumps' White House's Christmas decorations look like something out of a horror film

In the good ol’ United States, as soon as Thanksgiving is over, it’s time to go full-whack on Christmas decorations (unlike over here, where if you put anything up before 1 December people go out of their way to be dicks to you and write letters to the paper about how the whole country’s ruined), a rule which applies even if you live in the most famous house in the country. 

The White House has revealed its Christmas decorations, put together by First Lady Melania Trump, and they’re, uh, they’re quite something.

That’s… it’s not normal, is it? Like, making one corridor resemble what a dying person sees if their life has contained nothing but sin isn’t the weirdest decision to have come out of that building this year, but it’s still kind of fucking weird. 

Looking at a hallway and going, “You know what would be a nice, festive theme? The bit of the White Witch from The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe’s house that she doesn’t go in because it’s a bit creepy.”

Thinking, “There’s a lovely Christmas tree at the end of the hallway, so let’s make the approach to it as reminiscent of the Judderman, much-complained about star of the terrifying 1990s advert for discontinued alcopop Metz, as we possibly can.”

Again, it’s not the oddest decision Melania has ever made - this is a woman who is married to Donald Trump - but there’s something deeply, deeply unsettling about it. 

There are other, pleasant, tasteful, festive bits of decoration all over the building - loads of trees, thousands of cookies for visitors to eat - as well as vaguely gross-looking, vastly too heavy, edible versions of the White House itself…

But it’s the hell-hall, the corridor of nightmares, the vestibule of death, that really feels important. Is Melania trying to tell us something? It can’t be great fun being married to that guy, and there’s constant speculation that she might completely hate her situation - speculation fueled by her swatting his hand away, living apart from him a lot of the time, possibly being replaced by a body double in order to avoid spending time with him, etc. etc. 

She had 150 volunteers from 26 states helping her put all these decorations together, bringing this eerie vision to life. Is it all a great big message? Has she brought these volunteers in to amplify her big, bold proclamation of “JEEEEESUS CHRIIIIST, IT SUUUUUCKS, THIS SUCKS SO MUCH, THIS IS AWFUL, BEING ME IS AWFUL, THIS HALLWAY OF DOOM REPRESENTS THE DEATH OF HOPE, MY LIFE CONTAINS NO JOY, ONLY DREAD, THIS MAN HAS SAPPED ME, SAPPED ME OF ANYTHING OTHER THAN DESPAIR, FUCK ALL THIS, I AM SO UNHAPPY I HAVE COMPLETELY LOST MY MIND, ALL HOPE IS GONE, DECOMPOSITION IS ALL ANY OF US CAN PRAY FOR NOW”? 

Could be. Or maybe, like, Melania Trump is kind of shit at interior design.