News

This old man doesn’t give a shit about getting a birthday card from the Queen

Posted by
Emily Reynolds
Published

Getting old looks rubbish, tbh. Your body stops working, everybody you have ever known and loved starts to die around you, you inexplicably cannot stop complaining about how things were better in the ‘80s/’90s/’00s/’10s. Death is a perpetually looming spectre. You start wearing comfortable shoes.

So you’d have thought that the once-a-year opportunity to get a nice letter from the Queen would be something to look forward to. I mean, the subtext of a birthday card from the Queen is extremely obviously “wow, it is genuinely amazing that you aren’t dead yet”, which probably doesn’t help with the looming spectre of death thing, but surely it’s better than nothing?

Not for this old dude, it isn’t. Robert Weighton, 109 years old, is actually kind of sick of Liz’s shit and wants her to stop wasting paper by sending him a card.

“I’d already received one every year and since it’s the age of austerity I thought I would save the country a little bit on postage and printing.”

“I don’t want a whole row of them, there’s no point in that,” he said to ITV News. He points to the fact that she looks “miserable” in all of the pictures, presumably because she too is haunted by the looming spectre of impending death.

He’s also pissed off at Theresa May and he’s not afraid to tell her. “I’m regretful that Theresa May has decided to initiate the Brexit discussions on my birthday and she never asked my permission,” he said.

One good thing about getting old: you literally do not give a shit about anything.