Another week, another got-daym storming selection of absolute bangers for you to slide over that clotheshorse you call a body.
Sure, it looks great as it is, but whip on one these head-turners and you’ll be working the crisps aisle in Waitrose like it’s your own personal catwalk. David Gandy? Nope, no idea.
Get those arms out, go on, get the bloody rascals out - and do it in a short-sleeved shirt because, no, they are not just for barbecuing dads. And stripes? You betcha - that’s the pattern to get involved with this summer.
Oooooh yeah, think how cool and un-sweaty your legs will be in these Jesus pants. Fitted and cropped Jesus pants, though - if you want to look smarter in the sun, but don’t want a clingy pair of tight suit trousers suffocating your pins, these will do wonders.
We won’t actually tell anyone if you like the look of this top (which you do) and you buy it (which you will) but you don’t actually know anything about football. Next time you see someone with a Fred Perry polo, slam ten quick-fire questions about tennis in their face - it’s the same thing.
Fully into this, and fully still into that Burberry print. It went out of favour for bit, but it’s rightly back in everyone’s good books - get involved.
Don’t over-do it, mind, not even you can pull that off.
Have a pair of boots, please. Just have some. If you’re perusing your footwear collection and you don’t see any boots, sort it out and have some. These numbers from boots-obsessives Palladium are a bit unusual, but also a bit noice. Love that speckled sole - imagine kicking a bunch of leaves in the air with these once summer’s over.
The ‘90s is not literally back, for that would involve some sort of tampering with the space-time continuum, which is not something that is to be advised. Still, its trends most definitely are back, and this multicoloured tie-dye tee is about as ‘90s as you can get. It’s a weird fit, with different panels stitched at different levels, but we trust in you - you can make this work.
Timeless, this sturdy beast is, absolutely timeless. Also, might make you look a little bit like Ryan Gosling in Drive, if you’re lucky.
As soon as the sun comes out, so should your lairy prints - it’s essentially the law. Just make sure you know what you’re doing - two many prints and you’ll look like Ace Ventura - it’s best to just stick to one. Nowt wrong with a shirt and matching pair of shorts though, if you’re brave.
Bit Twilight Zone, the face on this one, but then remember how many people liked that show? Exactly, loads - just like everyone will like this watch once you slap it on that bare wrist of yours. “It’s beer o’clock” you’ll say, whilst looking down at it and doing a funny wink. You’re the life of the party, you. Absolute card.
If we are to get personal here, and risk including a first-person narrative - I DESPERATELY WANT THESE BECAUSE I THINK I AM IN LOVE WITH THEM. You may feel the same - nobody would judge you if you did. Just make sure you give these babies a healthy spray of Crep Protect - that suede is just begging for a great big scuffing off some oik on the tube.
Red joggers, for your legs, from Nike, looking like the comfiest things you’ve ever seen. Jeans? Who? Never heard of him mate.