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This stuck-up, insulting job ad is being torn apart on social media

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Gary Ogden
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I’d say, that if you want someone to apply for your job, your best bet is to not insult them. You know, be nice to start with, at least – first impressions count. Like, when they turn up to the job interview, don’t say something like “Alright, wanker”, because chances are it’s not going to make yourself look so good. As the candidate walks into the room, don’t give them a wedgie. Maybe best not to pull out their chair from underneath them as they’re about to sit down.

Best not to, in my opinion, say: “Are you just not taught anything about existing in the real world?” in the job advert. If my boss is already having a go at me before I’ve even applied, I’ll probably, you know, not apply.

Interestingly, that’s exactly what’s being asked in a job advert for an office administrator at the Tea House Theatre, which opens with “Dear Millenials”, of course. I think it’s probably best if I just bang the whole thing below, verbatim, eh?

Dear Millenials,

As a professional company in the arts industry for the best part of twenty years, grafting, scraping, cap in hand to angels and funding bodies and occasionally getting lucky. Surviving on our box office, breaking even and revelling in the success that in the real world that is. It saddens me to be putting this advert up for the third time in as many months.  

Are you just not taught anything about existing in the real world, where every penny counts. Did no one teach you that the end of your studies is the beginning of your education?

We are still here, after all these years. We run a venue in South Central London, we run as a receiving house, producing house. We have an outdoor events company putting on festivals on the Vauxhall Pleasure Gardens. We have been lucky enough to have been funded on several occasions in the last five years by Arts Council England for our outdoor projects, but the bulk of the funding for the art in and around our venue comes from the venue itself. We raise our own money by running a successful business alongside and intrinsically part of our art. We opened in a recession and are about to embark on a number of major projects.

One old lady used to run the whole of Mountview Academy with an IBM computer, it shouldn't be this hard. 

We need a grafter, who can commit. The absolute dogs in office skills, the ability to run a paper filing system as well as a computerised one, the ability to complete and keep track of a huge to-do list, to make our office work, create and develop business management systems that help the business to grow, giving space for more creative work to go ahead. To see where we are headed and realise that it is in your own hands how far you are able to go with us as we grow.

We have not been impressed so far.

Yours sincerely

HG Iggulden & IF Rushton

Directors 

Tea House Theatre ltd

Have you ever read a more stuck up job ad in your life? And it advertises as paying between £15-20k, which doesn’t feel like much for being, presumably, consistently abused throughout the day.

Unsurprisingly, the ad has gone down badly on social media.

Would you apply? I would not. If you would, then you can apply here, of course. But you’ll probably be called a wanker, given a wedgie and have your chair pulled out underneath you when you walk in. Maybe that’s why they have to keep putting the advert up. I hate getting wedgies, if I’m honest here.

(Image: iStock)

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Gary Ogden

Shortlist writer and "the least woke person in the office", Gary Ogden, likes horror movies, Cheestrings, tapping his leg under the desk, "having a drink", PDAs, not having eczema anymore, hiding from responsibility, screaming into the mirror whenever he is alone, and assorted other things. Mainly the eczema thing though. @garyblogden

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