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This little legend hid under his bed to avoid going to school and a police helicopter was called to find him

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Gary Ogden
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I like this kid – he’s got his head screwed on.

The other night, Josh Dinning, who is nine, went to bed as normal, but to his mum’s horror, he was not in his bedroom in the morning when she came in. Of course, this is every parent’s nightmare, so not something that should be joked about.

His panicked mum called the school, hoping he was already there, but they replied saying he hadn’t turned up. Obviously distraught, she called the police and a manhunt was put into action.

Police searched nearby rivers and even sent out a helicopter to scan the surrounding area – this was a big deal. Josh’s older brother Scott joined the hunt, and just as emotions were reaching fever pitch, everyone breathed a collective sigh of relief. He says: “I was just sitting outside the house when all of a sudden I heard someone saying, ‘He is here.’”

It turns out that “here” was “under his bed”. This is great, real good stuff, this. He’d managed to squeeze himself into the under the bed compartment – fantastic work. The police had checked his room, but hadn’t found him hiding in probably the first place you’d think of hiding in your bedroom.

Josh subsequently revealed his stealth tactics: “I could hear people looking for me and I thought I had better stay quiet because when they found me I would get shouted and bawled at so I just stayed where I was.”

He also mentioned that he hid because he didn’t want to go to school, which is something I can fully get behind. Obviously, this was a terrible ordeal for the family, and Josh is definitely getting grounded this weekend, but come on, what a great story. Only in England.

LEGEND ALERT

It all reminds me of one of my favourite childhood jokes:

The boss of a large company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem.

He dials the employee’s home phone number and is greeted with a child’s whisper, “Hello?”

The boss asks, “Is your Daddy home?”

“Yes,” whispers the small voice.

“May I talk with him?" the man asks.

To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispers, “No.”

So the boss asks, “Is your Mummy there?” 

“Yes,” came the answer.

“May I talk with her?”

Again the small voice whispers, “No.”

So the boss asks “Is there any one there besides you?”

“Yes,” whispers the child, “a policeman.” Confused, the boss asks, “May I speak with the policeman?”

“He’s busy.”

“Busy doing what?” asks the boss.

“Talking to Daddy and Mummy and the fireman,” comes the whispered answer.

“May I speak with the fireman?” says the boss.

“No, he’s busy too,” whispers the child.

Alarmed, concerned and frustrated, the boss asks, “Why is everyone busy?”

Still whispering, the young voice replies: “They’re looking for me.”

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Gary Ogden

Shortlist writer and "the least woke person in the office", Gary Ogden, likes horror movies, Cheestrings, tapping his leg under the desk, "having a drink", PDAs, not having eczema anymore, hiding from responsibility, screaming into the mirror whenever he is alone, and assorted other things. Mainly the eczema thing though. @garyblogden

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