1. The nought-to-nog blitz
You’ll need: 35ml Cognac; 15ml madeira; 1 egg yolk; 25ml double cream; 75ml whole milk; 25ml (1:1) sugar syrup; 2 drops vanilla essence
Marcis says: “We’re sailing pretty close to tradition here, but making things simpler by just throwing the lot into a blender then serving. I like to tweak it by either pouring over crushed ice for a boozy slushie or adding a touch of marmalade for a candied orange note that goes well with the madeira.”
Sickliness: 7/10 – it’s like taking a bite out of a brick of Lurpak. Strangely comforting, but oooh, so naughty naughty.
2. The loco mexi-coco
You’ll need: 50ml blanco tequila; ½ an avocado; 15ml agave syrup; 100ml coconut water
Marcis says: “Advocaat is essentially pre-batched eggnog, and was originally made, by the Dutch, with avocados. I’ve gone back to that notion for a dairy-free, eggless option. Find a blanco with 100 per cent blue agave then put all ingredients in a blender, mix until completely smooth and pour into a rock glass over cubed ice.”
Sickliness: 5.5/10 – akin to palming every Bounty from the Celebrations box into a single mass and slow-mo chowing it.
3. The Caribbean Crusher
You’ll need: 25ml Gosling’s Black Seal rum; 100ml Guinness; 1 egg yolk; 1 tbsp condensed milk; 10ml maple syrup
Marcis says: “In Jamaica, you’ll find a traditional punch made from condensed milk, rum and Guinness – a huge flavour. This is a more approachable twist on that. It’s like drinking a super-rich chocolate cake. Combine all the ingredients in a shaker, mix up and strain over cubed ice. An Oreo garnish is the perfect finishing move to this, too.”
Sickliness: 9/10 – like pulling a hatchback-sized toffee fatberg down a river of cream straight into your sordid little sugar hole.
4. The OJ Franken-fizzer
You’ll need: 40ml Fords gin; 15ml Quaglia Chinotto liqueur; 25ml orange juice; 1 egg yolk; 20ml (1:1) sugar syrup; 20ml lemon juice; 5ml frankincense water; 1 orange slice; soda water; edible gold spray
Marcis says: “Frankincense goes against the normal festive flavours. It has an amazingly fresh, piney taste. Add all the ingredients except the soda, to a shaker, shake over ice and strain into a champagne flute. Top with soda and edible gold spray.”
Sickliness: 3/10 – as easy-going, homely and ingenious as mixing a dollop of Cornish clotted cream into your morning porridge.
(Photography: Sun Lee, Food Styling: Lucy Ruth Hathaway)