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Japan’s First Lady did what any sane person would do when forced to sit next to Trump at dinner

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Gary Ogden
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Q: Guess what I don’t want to do? 

A: Sit next to Donald Trump.

But that’s just me, I reckon there are a load of other people that don’t want to sit next to him, too. I imagine he wheezes in quite a distracting manner. I presume he has dandruff. We all already know that he has the most infuriating handshake known to man. Imagine him trying to pull that stunt on you – I’d lose my head. 

FRONT PAGE: SMALL-TIME JOURNALIST SUPLEXES TRUMP AFTER HANDSHAKE GONE-WRONG AT OPENING OF NEW SAINSBURY’S

Basically, we’re in agreement here: it’s probably undesirable to sit next to Donald Trump. Unfortunately though, sometimes people have to sit next to him, like Akie Abe, the First Lady of Japan. Recently she was put in the unenviable position of joining Trump for dinner, but she handled it like an absolute boss. Because:

Yep, she pretended she couldn't speak English just so she didn't have to speak to Trump. That, my friends, is great. Really, really great. She had a really long, insufferable dinner with Trump, and she didn’t speak to him once, because he thought she couldn’t speak English. Here’s a video of her speaking that very English, in case you were wondering:

I love her, she is the best.

I remember being on holiday in America once, and trick-or-treaters came to our hotel room (yes, you are right – that is extremely peculiar), and my dad pretended he couldn’t speak English so they’d go away. It’s a wonderful tactic to get yourself out of an undesirable situation. Well done everyone.

I’ll just leave this here:

(Image: Rex)

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Gary Ogden

Shortlist writer and "the least woke person in the office", Gary Ogden, likes horror movies, Cheestrings, tapping his leg under the desk, "having a drink", PDAs, not having eczema anymore, hiding from responsibility, screaming into the mirror whenever he is alone, and assorted other things. Mainly the eczema thing though. @garyblogden

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