So, according to the internet, Henry Cavill is no longer Superman, and even though his manager tweeted that he might not be done just yet, it’s still a very good time to start massively speculating about who could fill his SuperBoots when he’s gone. Nothing quite like throwing a wad of wild guesswork into the air is there?
So, as the bastion of considered and articulate digital journalism, that is exactly what I am going to do.
Here are my top picks (you should bet on them and everything) for the next Man Who Is Super:
1. Richard Madden
Everyone and their mum is banging on about Richard Madden at the moment, courtesy of his very well-received turn in The Bodyguard, but - perhaps to his chagrin - also because of his dashing good looks. Superman has dashing good looks too, so why not capitalise on that, and get Madden in the cape? He’s got the whole stony-faced protector thing down pat, and he could easily bulk up just like Cavill did before him - it all works out.
From bodyguard to EARTHguard, the tagline could say, if the marketing department were populated by flailing idiots like me.
2. Liam Hemsworth
Liam Hemsworth is very hunky, maybe not as much as his brother Chris, but then his brother Chris is Thor, so it would be weird for him to play Superman - as such, get the next-best Hemsworth. He’s got the action chops (The Expendables 2, Independence Day:Resurgence) and he’s got all the emotional stuff under his belt, too (The Last Song). Not that Superman is known for showing much emotion, but you know, it helps.
3. Michael B Jordan
Michael B. Jordan is on an absolute roll of it at the moment, and the next logical step when one is “on a roll” is to be Superman, ain’t it? He’s done loadsa superhero films before (Chronicle, Fantastic Four, Black Panther) and particularly in the last one - where he was as hench as the largest shithouse you have ever encountered - he excelled. He’s pretty much spot on for this - he can do the zoomy punchy stuff but he could also deftly juggle that with the down-to-earth Clark Kent stuff as well. Jordan’s just bloody great, isn’t he? Make him Superman.
4. Dave Franco
Dave Franco is good. He’s always good in things. Sometimes he is in bad things, but he is always good in them. This makes him like Henry Cavill in many ways - a man who has been in some bad movies as Superman, but has nonetheless been consistently good in them. You need this quality, because although we all hope that the next Superman film will actually begood, there is the distinct chance that it will not be (there are vastly more bad Superman films than there are good ones), meaning that at the very least, you want the person playing Kal-El to be un-bad. Like Franco would be.
He’s a bit small, maybe, but he’s got the jawline, no denying that. Do not deny the line.
5. Matt Bomer
Oh, have you ever seen anyone look more like Superman? No, you have not. This man looks like a comic book, and that comic book is Superman. For this reason Matt Bomer should play him, because you’re not going to get anyone else that physically fits the part more than him. Like, he can act and all that nonsense, too, but look at how much he looks like Superman.
6. Frank Grillo
Frank Grillo is 53 years old, which is probably too old to play Superman, but he is born to play a superhero - so far he’s only had a flirt with it when he played Crossbones in the MCU. His would be a grizzled, anti-superhero, which Superman has done in the past, so Grillo would be perfect. Also, his hair works perfectly - that kiss curl would be the best kiss curl you’ve ever seen.
Hiring a Superman on the strength of his hair? Yes, good direction, 10/10, would pursue.
7. Daniel Henney
We’re firmly back in jawline territory here, and also firmly in-keeping with the franchise’s history of hiring relative-unknowns for the part. Henney’s not a big star, but has had a successful career trundling along thanks to his reliable charisma and comic-book good looks - he’s also done the superhero thing, appearing as Agent Zero in X-Men Origins: Wolverine.
He’s got the chops to play Mr Super, and also his name sounds like a fun drink, so there’s that, too. Bet you wish your name sounded like a fun drink, Mr. Bleach.
8. Nicolas Cage
Come on, it’s about time we just gave it to old Nic. He was sooooooo close to playing the big-panted wonder man at one point, even getting fitted for costumes back in the late ‘90s when Tim Burton was primed to direct Superman Lives. But hey-ho, that all went to the dags, and as such, the next one came a good few years later in the form of the “very boring” Superman Returns.
So, let him play Superman - the man is a gigantic fan, even calling his son Kal-El after the character, so give him his chance to live out his fantasy. Sure, he voiced Supes in the recent Teen Titans Go! To The Movies film, but you know he’s just itching to slip his butt into that costume. Just this once, let The Cage have his cake - you’re so mean, never letting The Cage have his cake. LET CAGE EAT CAKE!
9. Tyler Hoechlin
This man is already Superman. He is already literally playing the character of Superman on television. This man has been picked to play Superman on Supergirl because he is very suited to play him. This man is Superman at the moment. So hear us out: let him play Superman even more, but on the cinema screen, rather than the TV one. Did I say he is already Superman right now at the moment he is Superman you don’t need anyone else because you’ve got one and he is it because he is Superman.
10. Frankie Muniz
I very much like Frankie Muniz because Malcolm In The Middle is the greatest television show in the history of history, so it would just be nice to see him back on screen, I guess.
12. Or, I dunno, Louie Spence
THE GREATEST IDEA ANYBODY HAS EVER HAD BAR NONE AND IT WAS MINE!
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