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Uh oh, 1p and 2p coins might be obsolete soon

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Gary Ogden
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We might be saying goodbye to 1p and 2p coins

In case you were wondering, here is a list of all the coins, ranked in order of how cool and good they are:

£2 coin

£1 coin

50p coin

10p coin

5p coin

20p coin

2p coin

1p coin

As you can see in my objectively correct, no-take-backs list, the coppers are the crappest ones. Nobody likes them, they are dirty and pointless and they stink - rubbish coins, get rid, I hate them.

So imagine the grin on my chin when I found out that we’re pretty close to saying an enthusiastic “SEE YA” to the country’s most terrible coins, in an effort to edge closer to a cashless utopia. The Treasury will be reviewing the use of these dickhead coins as well as other dumb currency like the £50 note, after research suggested that 60% of UK 1p and 2p coins are only used once before being plopped in a jar, discarded or used in illegal street-rules Pogs matches.

A whopping 500 million 1p and 2p coins have to be produced by the Government and the Royal Mint each year to replace those that fall out of circulation, and when you think about it: that’s a bit silly, that is.

A Treasury consultation document says:

“From an economic perspective, having large numbers of denominations that are not in demand, saved by the public, or in long-term storage at cash processors rather than used in circulation does not contribute to an efficient or cost effective cash cycle.”

As such, their usefulness will be put under scrutiny and a decision will be made on their future. Of course, as a staunch opponent of those little copper twerps, I’m fully behind their immediate and swift abolishment. I hope each and every single one of them die a horrible, painful death.

(Image: Getty)

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Gary Ogden

Shortlist writer and "the least woke person in the office", Gary Ogden, likes horror movies, Cheestrings, tapping his leg under the desk, "having a drink", hiding from responsibility, screaming into the mirror whenever he is alone, and assorted other things. Mainly the screaming thing though. @garyblogden

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