TV

The word sex was hidden in almost every episode of ‘Art Attack’

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Gary Ogden
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It’s a well-known fact that one of the greatest children’s TV shows, nay, greatest TV shows ever, was Art Attack. Neil Buchanan was (and probably still is) a legend, and every single aspect of the show was on point to a degree unseen in almost every other programme anywhere.

One of the best parts of each episode was The Head – a Roman-looking bust statue who would attempt to create his own art, often failing hilariously. You know, because he didn’t have hands, or arms, or a body.

And so to today, a good ten years after the original series finished, we have nothing but fond, child-like memories left in its wake. Child-like memories that HAVE NOW BEEN RUINED. They’ve all been crushed underneath the dusty boots of a dirty sculptor. Look at this:

It's there, isn't it? It's right there. Right on The Head's head. The word “SEX”, front and centre, retrospectively polluting the minds of children the country over with its subliminal rudeness.

Now, it’s possible this is just our dirty, 2017 minds working in overdrive here – like, tell someone you can see a dick in the clouds and pretty much everyone can see a dick in the clouds, so it needs some further investigation. Look at this:

It's not really there, is it? However, it's very possible that there were numerous incarnations of The Head – it wasn't even a puppet for the first two seasons, anyway, it was an actual man. So we could be looking at an older sexless version of it here.

Let’s watch the episode below for research and that (our mate The Head turns up at five minutes in):

It’s there. It’s fucking there. This is how it feels to have memories destroyed.

Only joking, it’s quite funny isn’t it? The word “sex” is funny, rubber heads are funny, this is funny. Well done, now-old puppeteers.

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Gary Ogden

Shortlist writer and "the least woke person in the office", Gary Ogden, likes horror movies, Cheestrings, tapping his leg under the desk, "having a drink", PDAs, not having eczema anymore, hiding from responsibility, screaming into the mirror whenever he is alone, and assorted other things. Mainly the eczema thing though. @garyblogden

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