Deciding where we stand on Justin Bieber is such a tiring affair.
When he first came through, as a precocious but talented kid and then did this undeniable banger, it was absolutely thumbs up for the Biebs.
Then he started acting like a complete prick and releasing a load of completely forgettable, anemic music all the while followed by an army of lunatic fans. It was very much thumbs down for Bieber for this period.
And then he came back with ‘What Do You Mean’, which was a Very Good Song, and then followed it up with the also Very Good Song which was ‘Sorry’. So it was back to thumbs up for the Biebmeister General.
But now, just as we thought we had this settled, we’re going to have to flip back again.
Because this, Bieber’s absolutely ludicrous rider for his forthcoming trip to India, has leaked.
The highlights? Where do you even start… Bieber demands the following for his four day trip, which will see him perform one show at the D.Y. Patil Stadium in Mumbai, on 10 May:
- A convoy of 10 luxury sedans and two Volvo buses for his entourage of 120 people
- A private jet to travel around India
- A Rolls-Royce to be driven around in
- A helicopter to fly into the stadium on the day of his show – most international artists come in by road, you know, like normal people
- A ping pong table, PlayStation, hoverboard, couch, washing machine, fridge, upholstery, wardrobes and a massage table all flown in specially for him
- Three floors of a luxury hotel cordoned off as a ‘private villa’, of which one 1,000 square foot suite should be for him, stocked with 100 hangers, cans of wildberries, vanilla room fresheners and bath suppliers
- His room to be redesigned to ‘incorporate Mogul paintings, antique furniture and signature Kasmiri bedroom linen’ and to be adorned with purple carnations (purple being his favourite colour)
- His own private elevator in the hotel
- A female masseuse to be flown in from Kerala
- Culinary experts to be flown in to supervise five-course gourmet meals – named AFTER HIS OWN SONGS
- 13 green rooms backstage at the show for his entourage
- Silverware, fresh flowers (no lilies), scented candles, coconut water, almond milk, raw organic honey, decaffeinated herbal teas, fresh fruit, vegetable platters, seasoned vegetables, diced fruits, organic bananas, seedless grapes, deli platters of organic turkey, lettuce, colby and provolone cheese, black olives, 24 still-water bottles, 24 alkaline water bottles, energy drinks, vitamin water bottles, cream sodas, assorted juices, fizzy drinks, and protein drinks for Bieber’s backstage room
- ONLY white drapes in Bieber's dressing room.
- A large glass-door refrigerator, clothing shelves, 8 power outlets, and 12 white handkerchiefs in Bieber’s room
- A "yoga casket" containing aromatic essential oils, camphor incense sticks, together with literature on chakras and yoga asanas.
Just a reminder: 22% of India’s 1.3bn population live in poverty, existing on $1.25 a day. That’s 286 million people.
But you enjoy yourself mate. Don’t worry about that.
Still, while we think it’s now thumbs down for Bieber, we suddenly remembered that this exists:
And now we’re not sure any more.