Jump to Main ContentJump to Primary Navigation
Top

Please spare a thought for the poor woman who broke an $800,000 sculpture while taking a selfie

pump.png

Remember that time you were round at a friend’s house and accidentally smashed one of their nice wine glasses? You felt awful, didn’t you, even though it was a really close mate and they honestly weren’t that bothered by it, you couldn’t help but feel guilty.

Well then spare a thought for this poor, poor woman. This woman who has accidentally smashed an $800,000 sculpture while taking a selfie in the Hirshhorn Museum in Washington D.C. Eight hundred thousand dollars. Just smashed, everywhere, in front of everyone.

There’s no getting away from it; to this woman, this is probably the worst thing that has ever happened. She will probably lie in bed at night and remember this moment every day for months. There probably won’t ever be a day again when she doesn’t briefly remember the fact that she once accidentally broke an $800,000 sculpture while taking a selfie. Eight hundred thousand dollars.

The next time she moves jobs and has to stand up in front of everyone at the end of her first week, and tell “one interesting fact about herself”, she will tell this story. Not because she wants to, but because it will be the only interesting thing about herself she can remember. She’ll unwillingly define herself as the woman who once smashed an $800,000 sculpture while taking a selfie, because there’s just no coming back from it. No moving on. Eight hundred thousand dollars.

We’ve not even mentioned the worst bit about this story yet though. There’s a worst bit. See, the sculpture was of a pumpkin, and she smashed it. You see where this is going already, don’t you? We all know that band, that really famous band called the Smashing Pumpkins, who will now follow this woman around for the rest of her life. She probably doesn’t even like them. If she did, she doesn’t anymore. Every time a new person finds out about the story, they will make a Smashing Pumpkins joke, and they will think they’re being hilarious. They will think they’re the first person to ever make this joke, and it will be terrible.

So please, everyone, spare a thought for this woman tonight. Eight hundred thousand dollars.

[Image: Hirshhorn Museum]

Related

uber.PNG

Some poor sod fell asleep in an Uber and was charged £467 to Brixton

lala.jpg

Cinema plays a bit of 'La La Land' at the start of 'Moonlight'

CATRINA.jpg

The kids from "Hi my name’s Catrina" have recreated the dance

More

A story saying Big Ben will be renamed for Muslims has upset idiots

Winding up racists - never not funny

by Dave Fawbert
21 Aug 2017

13 facts about cheating all couples need to know

Number one fact: Don't do it

by Gary Ogden
21 Aug 2017

Londoners have revealed their favourite and most-hated Tube lines

Which is your favourite line?

by Dave Fawbert
21 Aug 2017

The 10 most liveable cities in the world have been named

Did your home make the cut?

by Tom Victor
21 Aug 2017

Sir Bruce Forsyth has died aged 89

The legendary presenter has died aged 89

by Gary Ogden
18 Aug 2017

The biggest stereotype about men and sex is actually a load of rubbish

We've been wrong this whole time

by Gary Ogden
18 Aug 2017

Discover the words that became cool in the year you were born

Were you born in the year of booty calls or cybersex?

by Emily Reynolds
18 Aug 2017

This German town came up with a genius way of humiliating neo-Nazis

Is this the best possible way to deal with them?

by Alex Finnis
18 Aug 2017

Donald Trump’s lawyer: possibly not racist, definitely not intelligent

Oldest trick in the book

by Tom Victor
17 Aug 2017

The 10 worst cities in the world to live in 2017

To put your first-world problems into perspective

17 Aug 2017