Jump to Main ContentJump to Primary Navigation
Top

This Tory candidate's bizarre campaign video has to be seen to be believed

greg.png

OK this is it. The election is over, call it now. The Tories have won.

It was looking for a while like Labour were mounting some sort of comeback – Jeremy Corbyn’s party have surged in the polls and a result which was supposed to be a sure thing was starting to look in doubt.

But that was before anyone caught wind of this campaign video by Tory candidate for East Yorkshire, Sir Greg Knight.

I know people say “watch it to the end” a lot, but seriously, watch it to the end.

Now I know what you’re thinking, you’re thinking this is a sketch. It’s been ripped from The Day Today or something? Maybe this is Steve Coogan wearing another man’s skin? But no, this is a real campaign video. It’s a real thing.

It starts off regularly enough, Sir Greg strolls into the room and introduces himself, before parroting some very well memorised lines about why the good people of East Yorkshire should be voting for him.

“When you vote in an election you’re doing two things,” he says. “You’re choosing who is your local representative, but you’re also choosing a prime minister. I hope you’ll vote for me and support Theresa May. We want a strong and stable government, not a coalition of chaos led by Jeremy Corbyn.”

So far so standard, except then, well, you’ve seen what happens: 

“You’ll get accountability

With Conservative delivery

Make sure this time you get it right

Vote for Greg Knigh-igh-igh”

I’ve left the T off the end of Greg’s name there, because the video cuts out before they actually finish singing it. That is probably the least weird thing about this video though. Here are some questions I feel like I have to ask: Who is singing? Were they paid for this? Who decided to go for the whole ‘zooming in shakily on the sign’ thing? Who made that terrible Photoshop job at the end? Did Greg do it himself? Did Greg do all of this himself? Do the Conservative Party know this exists? How has this man been an MP on and off for more than 30 years?

knight

"You'll get accountability..."

knight2

"With Conservative delivery..."

Yep, that’s right. More than 30 years – Sir Greg is actually an extremely well-seasoned and respected politician. I mean, he was literally knighted (for political service, not cinematography) in 2013.

He has held his seat in East Yorkshire since 2001, and is almost certainly going to win again this time.

He is also – and this is where shit gets even weirder – a very keen musician. He’s been described by singer Duffy as “a great drummer”, and is a founding member of MP4, the world’s only parliamentary rock band, along with  Kevin Brennan MP, Peter Wishart MP, and former MP Ian Cawsey.

Here’s one of their tracks:

Here is a photograph of Greg looking extremely stony-faced while holding up a taxidermied… something?

And here he is with a steak pie:

What does all of this tell us? Honestly, I have absolutely no idea. All I keep thinking about is this:

Thank god this is all over in three days.

UPDATE! THERE’S A WHOLE SONG! A WHOLE ACTUAL SONG! OH MY GOD!

Related

Theresa May Kent Effigy.jpg

Someone put up a massive statue of Theresa May swearing in Kent

boris.jpg

These escort adverts starring politicians are hilarious and disgusting

jk-rowling-donald-trump.jpg

JK Rowling puts Trump in his place over his London attack tweets

More

Sir Bruce Forsyth has died aged 89

The legendary presenter has died aged 89

by Gary Ogden
18 Aug 2017

The biggest stereotype about men and sex is actually a load of rubbish

We've been wrong this whole time

by Gary Ogden
18 Aug 2017

Discover the words that became cool in the year you were born

Were you born in the year of booty calls or cybersex?

by Emily Reynolds
18 Aug 2017

This German town came up with a genius way of humiliating neo-Nazis

Is this the best possible way to deal with them?

by Alex Finnis
18 Aug 2017

Donald Trump’s lawyer: possibly not racist, definitely not intelligent

Oldest trick in the book

by Tom Victor
17 Aug 2017

The 10 worst cities in the world to live in 2017

To put your first-world problems into perspective

17 Aug 2017

We have some very, very good news about cheese

Cheese lovers, it's our time to shine

by Emily Reynolds
17 Aug 2017

Jurors refuse to work on Martin Shkreli's trial for the best reasons

He is *not* a popular man

by Emily Reynolds
17 Aug 2017

Apparently millennials hate boobs now - but what do we like instead?

These god damn millennials, eh

by Gary Ogden
17 Aug 2017

All the times Donald Trump has failed to condemn far-right extremists

This has gone on for some time

by Tom Victor
16 Aug 2017