Indiana Jones and The Lost Stairlift.
When the fifth outing of cinema’s foremost fedora-wearing archaeologist was announced by Disney yesterday, with Harrison Ford and Steven Spielberg returning to the action, our immediate thoughts went to Harrison’s knees. Those poor creaky knees.
At 75 – he’ll be 77 when the film comes out - he’s practically an artefact himself at this point. Not to mention a man also on the mend from two major injuries, one stemming from an accident on the set of Star Wars: The Force Awakens in which a door was dropped on his shoulder, the other when he crashed his plane onto a golf course.
We were far from alone in our concern:
Me, to Spielberg, Ford, and everyone else thinking about making another Indiana Jones movie pic.twitter.com/cHprM4Fd71— Tom Nichols (@RadioFreeTom) March 15, 2016
Indiana Jones and The Retirment Home of Doom#IndianaJonesTitles— Leukocyte (@strelovod) March 16, 2016
BLADE RUNNER 2 in 2018— Rob Trench (@robtrench) March 15, 2016
INDIANA JONES 5 in 2019
WITNESS 2 in 2020
Indiana Jones 5: The year is 1989. Indy is a 90 year old vegetable being wheeled from dig site to dig site by his 50 year old son.— Rob Yeo (@robjyeo) March 4, 2016
The news even spawned a hashtag called #NewIndianaJonesMovieTitles:
Indiana Jones and the Kids That Won't Get off The Lawn #NewIndianaJonesMovieTitles— Stephen Miller (@redsteeze) March 15, 2016
#NewIndianaJonesMovieTitles - Indiana Jones and the Quest for Low Cost Viagra— The Orange Cone (@TheOrangeCone) March 15, 2016
Indiana Jones and the Reason He Walked into the Room#NewIndianaJonesMovieTitles— Liars Never Win (@liars_never_win) March 15, 2016
Naturally, then came the little problem of Harrison's forgettable fourth Indy sequel – 2008’s Kingdom of the Crystal Skull...
mantra: "please don't be like crystal skull please don't be like crystal skull please don't be like crystal skull..." #IndianaJones— Lesli Margherita (@QueenLesli) March 15, 2016
And of course someone had to bring up fridge-gate again.
Indiana Jones and the Slow, Painful Death from Radiation Poisoning. Just workshopping it right now.— Rick Porter (@rickporter) March 15, 2016
Other Twitter users pondered over Shia Labeouf's involvement. Considering the actor didn't enjoy the film (would you after that CGI monkey swinging scene?) yet his reveal as spawn of Jones makes him a tough character to write out.
What do you think about the new film? Let us know below.