If there was one movie from the entirety of cinema that we could transport into real life and make history, who among us can claim we wouldn't choose King Ralph?
Lots of you, yeah? But you're wrong. King Ralph showed us all what would happen if a regular Joe from the US ascended to the British throne, it showed us that a 20 per cent rating on Rotten Tomatoes could not be more wrong, and now, it has shown us our future.
An American man, this American man, this American man named James Ord, this American man who is also an ex-mormon and a lawyer, could be the true heir to the British throne. He damned sure looks regal to us - look at that tailoring.
Let's backtrack some. When James Ord was 13, his grandpa took him aside and told him the incredible story of how he is the rightful heir to the British throne. But unlike most of our grandfathers after a pint of Newcastle Brown, he might've been telling the truth.
Here's what went down.
Prince George IV secretly married and had a kid with some lass named Maria Fitzherbert, and he totally shouldn't have done that because she was Roman Catholic (which is sort of the historical equivalent of being a, well, a Roman Catholic, actually).
Historians think the kid in question was one James Ord, who named his first-born son James Ord, who also named his first-born son James Ord, and so on until we have our modern Mormon-y variant.
But because the existence of the original James Ord™ was totally scandalous, he was shipped off to Spain to live with a sailor who pretended to be his uncle. Said uncle got loads of good job titles, and James Ord got his school fees mysteriously paid for by a British official. They went to live in Maryland in 1790 and then - we swear this isn't a movie but oh, yes it needs to be a movie - fake-uncle told James on his deathbed he had ‘something of the greatest importance’ to tell him. But then he died.
Next, George IV's successor William IV apparently sent Ord an offer of either the title of Duke of Malta or a cash payment. James Ord chose the money, and the papers proving this are allegedly sealed in one of the royal palaces.
And now we're here. We have a whole line of James Ords and a potential King Ralph II. Unfortunately, there is one little stumbling block. The Latest James Ord™ wants to take a DNA test to prove his heritage, and this is something that requires the Queen's very own spit. And that - her maj hocking into a test tube and sending it in the post to the US of A - well, that is about as likely as an ex-Mormon US lawyer ascending to the British throne.