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52 weeks of Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson: Week 12

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Ralph Jones
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52 weeks of Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson: Week 12

Last week we had a good old laugh, didn’t we, about Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson’s comic timing. Oh yes, we had some chuckles that week, didn’t we. We had some fun and a harmless haha together. Yeah. Well guess what, you idiots – it’s time to get serious.

There’s only one aspect of The Rock’s life in my crosshairs this week: it’s this tweet from March 23.

Known in the biz as a quote tweet, it features the big man adding commentary to a tweet by a journalist while simultaneously retweeting it. The original tweet (below) features a freelance journalist called Kevin McCarthy banging on about how much money the Jumanji remake made at the box office, as if we didn’t know already. (Notice how McCarthy uses the wrong version of the word ‘its’.) He then attaches some footage of an interview he carried out with The Rock, where the pair “geek out” about the movie.

The Rock’s comments on this craven scream for attention make me physically sick. “This dude is one of my fav journalists,” wrote the man I once respected. “A true movie geek (like me) who just loves having a great time at the movies. See you next month for our RAMPAGE junket homeboy.”

Oh. Oh, one of your fav journalists, is he, Dwayne? One of your fav journalists, is he? Did you even notice that he can’t correctly spell the word ‘its’? Hmm? Did you notice that? Some of us actually know that it’s spelled ‘its’ when it’s possessive, you know. Did that even cross your mind before you propelled a gaggle of new followers his way? Oh no, I don’t suppose that was important, was it, because you just saw the words “$941 MILLION” and started licking your handsome lips, didn’t you. Do you not see, Mr Rock? Do you not see how you are being manipulated like a goddamn fool? Of course you do. You’re too intelligent not to. Oh and that’s all right with you, is it, The Rock? It’s all right to reward ignorance with retweets, is it? Is it, buddy? Huh? Is it? All right to reward sycophancy with validation, is it? IS IT?

This whole thing has made me quite upset.

Journalism is a noble profession. It speaks truth to power and it holds power to account. But with the help of The Rock, a band of hopeless morons are abusing their job in the industry in a desperate attempt to impress A-list movie stars, leaping and barking at their feet as they beg for scraps of affirmation. Who would submit themselves to such indignity? Who would prostrate themselves thus, writing something with the barely-disguised intention of befriending a celebrity and basking in the vicarious notoriety? Who would devote so much time and energy writing about one man, all in the blinkered hope that he might follow them back on Twitter or perhaps come down to Cambridge where they live and maybe, I don’t know, meet their wife and rabbit?

Embarrassing. That’s what it is. It’s fucking embarrassing.

Right. I need to find somewhere to cool off.

Stay hungry, stay humble.

Read The Rock Report archive right here

(Illustration: Dan Evans)

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Ralph Jones

Ralph Jones is a staff writer for ShortList magazine. In April 2015 he won a seven-foot throne of dildos but he’d rather you didn’t mention it. He performs sketch comedy and is on Twitter at @OhHiRalphJones

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