Just what the doctor ordered: an Apple 'Special Event'.
ShortList.com's technology editor David Cornish gives you the lowdown on the announcements from last night, as they happened.
Check out the major highlights in the gallery below
And that's it.
No major surprises like an Apple Watch 2 or an iPhone Air - you'll have to wait until October for those.
So here's what the new iPad line up looks like, with US pricing (UK wallet damage to be announced soon):
An A9X processor, adaptive 'True Tone' screen and four speakers all go into the new iPad Pro, making it ideal for gaming, processional uses and... well, all that stuff you use your current tablet for.
It also supports "Hey Siri", and new Pro accessories - including a new smaller keyboard cover and Pencil.
A 32GB will cost $599, the 128GB will cost $749 and the massive 256GB version will set you back $899.
Orders begin 24 March, arriving in stores on 31 March.
Apple is aiming the new iPad Pro as the ultimate "PC replacement".
Which is what the Microsoft Surface line has been saying for over a year now...
Now we're on to the new iPad line up.
Yep. You guessed it (or rather, several Apple analysts did) - a 9.7-inch iPad Pro.
We're now onto the new updates set to roll out in iOS 9.3, including:
- Night Shift (which reduces the screen's blue light intensity to help you sleep at night),
- Notes security
- Improvements to the Health App (more ways of sharing data)
- Top Stories for the News App
- Car Play updates for music and maps, supported in more cars than ever before
- New improvements for the Education apps and software, which kids will be using on iPads in schools (lucky devils)
iOS 9.3 is available from today
The new iPhone SE also includes a finger print scanner, allowing it to incorporate the Apple Pay system.
On the subject of money, it'll cost $399 for 16GB, available from 31 March.
While smaller, it's just as powerful as the iPhone 6S, with the A9 processor chip and M9 graphics chip found in the bigger handset.
The camera is the same 12MP iSight camera, with Focus Pixels and True Tone Flash.
And it takes live photos...
IT'S TIME TO TALK ABOUT THE NEW IPHONE!
IT'S CALLED THE IPHONE SE!
There's also an update on Apple TV - that small black box you almost certainly don't own.
Tim Cook outlines some of the new apps that now work with the TV, like sports apps, that don't exist in the UK.
Best make a cup of tea - they'll be getting onto the iPhone SE and iPad Pro in a bit...
People are clapping nylon woven watch straps.
This is the age we live in people.
Also, the Apple Watch now costs $299. Which is still a lot.
And NOW Tim Cook is here to talk about products!
A new iPhone? A new iPad?!
Nope. New Apple Watch straps. You big tease, Tim.
Jeff Williams is taking the audience through the intricate workings of Apple's newest piece of research app builder: Care Kit.
The first Care Kit app is for Parkinson's Disease - allowing various institutions to better monitor individualised treatments.
It's very impressive stuff this, even if it's not what Apple is best known for. Apps can do a lot more than kill time on a commute home, like helping patients recover from injuries and update doctor's on their progress.
Back to Tim, to talk about Apple's second big initiative, Health.
Now over to Jeff Williams.
(No, they still haven't shown us any new shiny products. We're as sorry as you are.)
"The vast majority of iPhones we get back are reused."
Jackson is outlining the new recycling system that Apple is set to start using: Liam, a robot that dismantles your old iPhone and repurposes all its useful components and alloys. Like Wall-E, but not as cute.
Lisa Jackson takes to the stage to talk about how Apple is working to help protect the environment through Innovation. Which involves Yaks, apparently.
No iPhone SE yet folks.
Rather than starting with any new gadgets, Cook kicks things off with an address on the ongoing privacy debate Apple has been engaged in with the FBI. It's a sombre start to proceedings.
"We owe it to our customers and we owe it to our country. It impacts all of us, and we will not shrink from this responsibility."
Enough said on that, apparently.
And we're off - with a countdown of Apple's various major product launches over the years... and here's Tim Cook to calm the baying pack of Apple fans.
- 4-inch display
- £359 for 16GB
- £439 for 64GB
- Improved battery life
- Same A9 processor chip and M9 graphics chip you get in the iPhone 6S
Smaller iPad Pro
- 9.7-inch screen
- AX9 chip
- 'True Tone' display, that adapts to the lighting levels around you
- Available from £499
New Apple Watch straps
- Nylon Weave straps
- Milanese Loop in Space Black
- $50 taken off the price tag, meaning you can get an Apple Watch from $299
- There's a new robotic system called Liam that will be recycling all old iPhones as part of Apple's bid to help the environment
- A new HealthKit will help doctors monitor patients closer than ever before - including those suffering with Parkinson's