In the continuing adventures of David Cameron Tries To Be A Bloody Bloke And Fails Abjectly, the British Prime Minister just tried to make a joke about rough sex. Not just regular sex, rough sex. So we'll give you a moment to prepare for the inevitable nightmares.
According to The Sunday Times, the PM invited ministers down to a hotel in Chipping Norton this week for a good old fashioned evening of team-building, where, no doubt keen to get away from talk about a certain offshore windfall, he decided to let loose with this cringe-worthy gag:
A man moves to Lincolnshire, and is lonely until he gets a visit from a local farmer. The farmer invites him to a party, but warns him there will be a lot of heavy drinking.
The man agrees that a bit of booze is likely to help lubricate the evening, and help him make friends. The farmer warns there will probably be a lot of fighting, but that doesn’t deter the newcomer.
Finally, the farmer says the evening will probably end with “a lot of rough sex”, but the new arrival shrugs and supposes that’s as good a way as any to get to know people in the community.
As the farmer turns to head home, the man asks him what he should wear. The farmer says: “You can wear whatever you like, because it’ll just be you and me.”
Geddit? The farmer wants to have sex with the man alone. But the man, you see, had no idea. It's not even the first time he's tried a bit of blue for the Tories.
Oh Cameron, why couldn't you have been as cool as Obama, a man we imagine would never make a bad sex joke, and if he did he'd probably finish with a cover of Sweet Home Chicagobefore dropping the mic and being carried out the room on the shoulder of his staff? But no, you've attempted to curry favour with your cabinet with a seedy joke about a farmer.
Then again, we’re just glad the punchline wasn’t something to do with 'porking'.