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13 Things Boris Should Have Banned From London Instead of Bagpipes

In a move that will enrage people of a liberal mind but may please those with ears, Boris Johnson has effectively banned the playing of bagpipes on the streets of London.

The Mayor has unveiled new rules for busking in the capital, in which he suggests that "piercing sounds like bagpipes" are “annoying”. The new regulations for performers are outlined on the The Greater London Authority's new Busk in London website which states “if your act has these, move regularly or find locations with no flats, offices, shops or hotels." Good luck with finding a place in London without flats, offices, shops or hotels.

But if we’re going to let politicians randomly ban things from the capital then we should at least give them some better ideas than bags of air. Here some things that really do need banning from London:

1. Riding around on a non-motorised scooter if you're no longer a child. 

2. Standing on the left side of the escalator.

3. Leaving bulging black plastic bags full of dog mess next to a tree rather than in the bin.

4. Playing music on your phone on public transport.

5. People who wear suede loafers without socks.

6. Non-booking restaurants.

7. Eating anything smellier than a water biscuit on public transport.

8. Attempting to read the paper on the Tube while standing up during rush hour.

9. Using anything other than a circle shaped plate to serve food on.

10. Red trousers.

11. Being told by tannoy announcements to remember to drink water.

12. Stupidly strict nightclub shoe policies.

13. Oxford Street.