Instant Improver

How to handle a break-up like a man

Jessica Knappett on how to handle a break-up like a man

The writer and star of Drifters (out on DVD now) offers her handy tips on dealing with a brutal dumping

Rename her

I was dumped via text explaining he couldn’t do it in person because he’d ‘lost his bus pass’ so ‘Bus Pass’ he was named and forever he shall be. Needless to say I don’t speak to ‘Forehead’, ‘Scooter’ or ‘Candles’ any more.

Abandon all hope

She has. Even if you get back together, things will never be the same again. It’s true.

Milk it

You can get away with some pretty questionable behaviour when you’re going

through a break up. Anecdotes are born in these days and nights. Do not stop until you wake up in Amsterdam wearing a dress.

Take action

Think about what you’re going to tell her the next time you see her and make it good. Why not get your pilot’s licence and watch her squirm as you tell her you can fly? These are the prohibited hobbies: acoustic guitar, rollerblading, DJing. But failing this, I prescribe a course of Tinder. Miserable? You will be.

(Photography: Ray Burmiston)