23 vital life lessons we’ve learned from 23 years of Curb Your Enthusiasm
They're pretty... pretty... pretty good.
Larry David, everyone’s favourite grouchy, bald, retired writer, has revealed that season 12 of Curb Your Enthusiasm will be its last.
For some 23 years now, the show has been essential TV - the first season aired proper in 2000 - and while it's sad to see it go, at least we are all going to be treated to a final season of awkwardness.
To both commiserate the end of the show and news of the upcoming final season, we thought we would share some essential life lessons we have gleaned from Curb over the years.
In short: Larry is a man of multitudes and a die-hard rationalist but… yeah, learn from his mistakes.
- The best comedians of all time, ranked.
1. Sometimes you have to lie
“A lie is a gesture,” says Larry. “It’s a courtesy, it’s a little respect!”
2. Your best intentions will often be wrong
Like when Larry invited a Holocaust survivor to dinner to meet another ‘survivor’ who turns out to be a guy who used to be on the TV reality show Survivor: The Australian Outback and this guy says his show was tougher than Auschwitz. He was just trying to help.
3. Never try to help
It’s just much safer to stay out of everything.
4. Always respect wood
"I respect wood,” says Larry when accused by Julia Louis-Dreyfus of leaving a ring on her heirloom table. “I revere wood. I am considerate of wood.” Ask everyone you love: Do you respect wood? Don’t trust anyone who doesn’t respect wood.
5. Do not accept chat-and-cuts
The chat-and-cut: When someone feigns familiarity with a person they vaguely know for the sole purpose of cutting in line. Great attempt; back of the line.
6. And you do not have to accept stop-and-chats, either
Just because you see someone in the street does not mean you have to stop and chat. You have to take stop-and-chats on a case-by-case-basis.
7. But sometimes you have to let people have their moment
If someone offers you a house tour, just take the tour.
8. The Staredown is your secret weapon
Just keep looking. Don’t break eye contact. You’ll see right into their soul.
9. Always have a glass in your hand at social occasions
“When I'm in social situations I always hold onto my glass. It makes me feel comfortable and secure, and I don't have to shake hands.”
10. And always look after your sweater cuffs
Respect the cuff, otherwise it will lose its elasticity and your day will be ruined. “There are very few subjects I'm an expert on,” says Larry, “and one of them is elastic.”
11. Don’t wear sunglasses indoors
“You know who wears sunglasses inside?” Larry asks Jeff. “Blind people and assholes.” He’s not wrong.
12. The text message is your friend
When Larry's friends in Season 10 were having issues with their other halves, he suggests sending out text messages that were 'accidentally' meant for someone else to see how selfless they are. Unfortunately, it does not go well.
13. And bowing is not bowing
If someone bends a few degrees, that is not an apology: they are not sorry at all. They are dismissive of you. That is a shit bow. A deep bow: that’s what you want. A deep, almost-90-degree bow, “I’m very sorry” bow.
14. Job interviews are a piece of cake
All you have to do is flip it and start asking them questions. You have to topsy-turvy that motherfucker.
15. Nobody likes a sample abuser
When sampling products in a store, there is definitely a limit to how much you have - and if you pass that limit, make sure Larry David doesn't witness it.
16. You can’t pause toast
Once bread is toasting you can’t interrupt. You interrupt and that bread is dead. “If you put this bread back in the machine,” says Leon, “it’s gonna lose its essence.”
17. The days of elevator etiquette are dead and gone
What's the point? "Let me tell you something," says Larry, "my days of elevator etiquette are over. Over! I'm not holding doors anymore. I'm not letting women out first anymore. That's done!"
18. There IS such thing as an ugly section in a restaurant
"You know what I think? You have a good-looking section and an ugly section," says Larry to the owner of a trendy restaurant that seems to be discriminating when it comes to the good seats. They disagree but perseveration helps Larry uncover just what is going on.
19. Always get a second opinion
When you are facing a lengthy hospital stay after surgery it's always best to get a second opinion from a doctor who reckons rest and Ibuprofen will do the trick.
20. Setting something up out of spite isn't the best idea
"I am setting up a store right opposite and I am going to bring you down," says Larry to Mocha Joe in Season 10. But he doesn't have the beans, reckons Joe, to beat his coffee. "I'll get better beans. I will find better beans. And you know what I am going to call it? Latte Larry." Setting up a spite store is really only going to go one way.
21. Learn to spell
"It Was Supposed To Say ‘Beloved Aunt,’ Not ‘Beloved C***!"
22. Sitting in traffic is for stupid people
In Season 11 of Curb, Larry is stuck in traffic but soon finds a way out. Why? Well, according to him: "I can't sit in traffic, I'm too smart. I am not like these people. You have to have done something stupid to be in traffic."
23. Talking about relationships is fine, discussing towels is not
"You want to talk about me, fine. You want to talk about relationships, fine. But DO NOT DISCUSS MY TOWELS." So says Larry David when this touchy towel subject is brought up in Season 11.
