How's that coffee table working out for you?
Just using it for magazines, eh? And coasters?
What you need is a Federation Ambassador-class starship model from Star Trek: The Next Generation - complete with working light rig. Or maybe Maximus' very own gladius sword, swung with lethal skill by Russell Crowe himself. You could even push the boat out and get Richard Decard's vid-phon?
These are just some of the memorabilia gems currently on auction at the Prop Store's Entertainment Memorabilia Live Auction, set to draw to a close with a live bidding session at the Odeon BFI IMAX, Waterloo, London, on 23 September.
Before the live bidding got underway, ShortList.com got the chance to handle some of the lots (carefully, with gloves). Ready your credit card - you might just be about to splash out on some history.
Visit Odeon.co.uk to see the latest film releases (and do your homework for collector's items of the future)
Alex's (Malcolm McDowell) purple suede and snakeskin coat
A Clockwork Orange (1971)
There's an incredible story behind this coat that Stephen Lane, Prop Store CEO, shared with ShortList.com.
A woman phoned Prop Store claiming that her father had picked up Malcolm McDowell's coat in a Camden market store on a rack "filled" with Clockwork Orange costumes. Her father thought little of its famous past, but liked the purple coat enough to buy it, and proceeded to wear it for several years. After he passed away, she recalled this story and passed the coat on to Prop Store, who confirmed its authenticity.
"It begs the question of what happened to the rest of that rail", mused Lane.
Starting bid: £4,000
The puppet velociraptor claw
Jurassic Park (1993)
Remember that bit when Tim and Lex flee from the raptors by taking refuge in the kitchen? Lex ducks under a bench and holds her breath, as a raptor toe - this toe - taps its way past.
Current high bid: £2,250
Hero ZF-1 Gun
Fifth Element (1997)
We'll let Jean-Baptiste Emanuel Zorg handle this: "It's light. Handle's adjustable for easy carrying, good for righties and lefties. Breaks down into four parts, undetectable by x-ray, ideal for quick, discreet interventions. A word on firepower. Titanium recharger, three thousand round clip with bursts of three to three hundred, and with the Replay button - another Zorg invention - it's even easier."
It's as cool as it looks.
Current highest bid: £15,000
Lara Croft's (Angelina Jolie) pistols and belt rig
Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (2001)
The closest you'll ever get to Angelina Jolie's hips is by wearing her Croft belt rig - complete with H&K USP Match pistols.
Starting bid: £1,750
Ambassador-class starship model miniature
Star Trek: The Next Generation (1987-1994) & Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (1993-1999)
A model that cropped up in two different TV series, with tweaked decals and a new paint job to keep fans guessing. It features a set of internal lights, complete with red plastic diffusers on the 'nacelles' (the thruster bits) that still work.
Starting bid: £20,000
Pierce & Pierce business cards
American Psycho (2000)
From the scene in which Patrick Batemen and his fellow Pierce & Pierce colleagues compare their business cards (mercifully free of blood stains).
Current highest bid: £2,000
Grays Sports Almanac
Back to the Future: Part II (1989)
A book that needs no introduction to fans of the Back to the Future series. Featuring a custom-made cover that notes the years 1950-2000, the book itself only contains stats up to 1984.
Current highest bid: £3,000
Insert Shot Clapperboard
A piece of sci-fi history - this clapperboard was used in Ridley Scott's Alien, used with the production's A camera which would have been operated by Scott himself for an exterior space sequence shot in October 1978. It used the film's working title The Alien - and still makes a satisfying 'clack' sound.
Current highest bid: £3,000
Wolverine's (Hugh Jackman) Claws
X-Men 2 (2003)
Made from a resin set over a metal support structure, this is as close as you can get to becoming a real life mutant (without mucking about at the local nuclear reactor).
Current highest bid: £4,000
The Rocketeer's helmet
The Rocketeer (1991)
The iconic helmet that helped Bill Campbell's Rocketeer steer his way through the skies, this beauty is made from an Alumilite resin, complete with tinted eye lenses.
The Notebook (2004)
Yep. It's the notebook, of The Notebook. Just imagine bringing that date home and leaving this casually propped open on the kitchen table: "What's that?" "Oh that? Just the notebook out of The Notebook." *Swoon*
Only a few pages are actually written on, the rest are disappointingly blank.
Starting bid: £1,000
Robin's (Christian O'Donnell) Bodysuit and cape
Batman & Robin (1997)
No, it wasn't a good film - but it did produce some of the most iconic suits of Batman history. It's got bulges that follow you round the room...
Starting bid: £3,000
The Dark Crystal (1982)
From the classic (if terrifying) Frank Oz and Jim Henson fantasy, Fizzgig is a cult icon to those of a puppet persuasion.
Current highest bid: £11,000
Professor Henry Jones' (Sean Connery) hat
Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade (1989)
Worn by Sean Connery himself, you know exactly how the eventual owner of this hat is going to use it - by putting it on and running around screaming "JUNIOR!"
Current highest bid: £2,000
Hogwarts acceptance letter with wax seal
Harry Potter and The Philosopher's Stone (2001)
You're a wizard (fan) Harry - or at least you will be if you can snap this prop up. Used in the scene where owl post inundates the Dursley household, you can even see the letter inside if you hold it up to the light.
Current highest bid: £4,250
Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back (1980)
An item that's sure to attract a bidding frenzy on 23 September, this is a genuine "Mk II" Stormtrooper helmet from The Empire Strikes Back.
The helmet exposes some little known facts about the costumes of the original Star Wars saga - complete with paint streaks, foam lining and the green (not black) eye lenses.
Starting price: £20,000
An inside shot of the Stormtrooper helmet, showing off the rugged build of the original prop and the green eye lenses.
Star Wars: A New Hope (1977)
Arguably the least accurate weapon in cinema history, this Stormtrooper blaster was used in a variety of scenes, including sequences shot in the Death Star, Mos Eisely and the trash compactor scene.
Current highest bid: £7,500
Spock's (Leonard Nimoy) Science Officer Costume
Star Trek (TV series, 1966)
If you wanted to make your very own Leonard Nimoy clone, you're going to want to stump up the cash for this.
Nimoy's original Spock costume, complete with sparkly trousers and velour tunic, worn in the episodes The Ultimate Computer and The Omega Glory.
A piece of TV memorabilia that'll only grow in value as the years roll on. Live long and prosper, Nimoy.
Starting bid: £25,000
James Bond's (Pierce Brosnan) P99 and silencer
Tomorrow Never Dies (1997)
The Walther P99, complete with silencer (both props - though they are decommissioned weapons), Brosnan wielded this weapon on his way to infiltrating Elliot Carver's stealth boat.
Starting bid: £5,000