There are some things in life that are so unexpected, and so beyond the realms of what, rationally, seems possible within the existing laws of politics, physics and basic logic that you just can’t comprehend that a) they have happened and b) how they happened. The Berlin Wall coming down. Man setting foot on the moon. Donald Trump being elected as president of the United States of America.
And this wedding story.
It appeared as just another letter in to ‘Dear Prudence’ on Slate – not even the top one that week – before a Twitter user noticed this absolutely catastrophic turn of events and brought it the publicity it so richly deserves.
Here we go, strap yourselves in.
Q. My husband’s best friend proposed to his girlfriend during our wedding ceremony
“My husband and I started dating, got pregnant, had a child, moved in together, bought a house, and got a dog in that order. Our friends and family have asked us for years why we weren’t married yet. We always pushed it off to build better lives. We’ve done really well for ourselves and finally reached a point where we could afford a huge blowout wedding to celebrate our lives with everyone we know and love.
“My husband’s best friend, “John”, was the best man/officiant. The setting was beautiful, everyone seemed happy, our families were overjoyed. My mom may have used the phrase hallelujah a few dozen times.
“The entire atmosphere felt moving. So moving in fact that John stopped mid-ceremony to propose to his longtime girlfriend, “Jane”, and reveal her pregnancy. I couldn’t even hear the vows my husband wrote or the rest of the ceremony over the noise of Jane’s happy sobs, her very surprised family who were also guests, and people seated nearby congratulating her.
“Even the videographer cut to her frequently during the ceremony, and you can’t hear anything over the chatter. When John gave his toast, he apologised for being caught up in the moment, and then proceeded to talk about he and Jane’s future with nary a mention of us.
“During the reception John and Jane became the primary focus of our guests. John even went out of his way to ask the band for a special dance for just him and Jane on the dance floor.
“I’ve never been an attention hog, and I wouldn’t even have minded if he’d proposed after the ceremony, but weeks later I am still seething. I am so shocked and angry that I keep asking myself if this is real life.
“My husband hasn’t spoken to John since the wedding, and our mutual friends think what he did was rude but that my husband should just get over it. My husband has joked that he’ll resume his friendship when John and Jane give him a $40,000 check for “their half of the wedding.” Do you think John’s behavior warrants the end of a long-term friendship, or are we angry over nothing?”
Yes. You read that right.
- The groom’s best friend and best man proposed IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ACTUAL WEDDING CEREMONY
- And if that wasn’t enough, ALSO ANNOUNCED A PREGNANCY
- The best man’s speech consisted of TALKING ABOUT HIMSELF
- The best man and his girlfriend REQUESTED THEIR OWN FIRST DANCE
It is astonishing that this woman is even questioning her anger. She should be nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize because she is clearly more tolerant than even Nelson Mandela. “Are we angry over nothing?” NO YOU ARE NOT MATE. IF YOU’D REPEATEDLY PUNCHED THEM BOTH IN THE FACE NO ONE WOULD HAVE BLAMED YOU. YOU SHOULD NEVER SPEAK TO THESE PEOPLE AGAIN BECAUSE THEY ARE CLEARLY ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE PEOPLE. THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE. NOT IN ANY WAY.
This is what Twitter thought of the move:
I'd go to their wedding and be $40000 worth of petty. Giving caffeinated candy to the kids, pushing the wedding cake off the table...— Amanda WallerPMP (@Floedezzy) June 2, 2017
Every time I hear these stories I am thankful for my city hall wedding, which no one was invited to.— DevNull (@DevNullSA) June 2, 2017
I'd act like everything is all good until their wedding. Arrive in a wedding dress, vomit on their cake, and knock over the wedding gifts.— Yvette 💕 (@onepear) June 4, 2017
I would have beat both their asses in my wedding dress. Fuck that— ScarlettTakesATumble (@sarahsosincere) June 4, 2017
They have to continue speaking to J&J to ensure an invite to their wedding. Mid ceremony announce they're pregnant w/twins. Make sh*% up.— Crystal (@YesSheWrites) June 1, 2017
You have more class than I do. I'm hiring a dozen drag queens to strut up the aisle during their ceremony lip-syncing You're So Vain.— J.T. Grimes🍸 (@JT_Grimes) June 2, 2017
So what was the ‘official’ Slate advice?
“I think it merits a fight! In between ‘getting over it’ and ‘never speaking to John again’ is the happy medium of ‘having a difficult conversation with a longtime friend who did something selfish and self-absorbed on your wedding day’. He’s your husband’s best friend, so your husband should tell John just how upset his behavior during your wedding made him.
“Maybe John will apologise and the two of them can have a meaningful reconciliation and build a better friendship as a result. Maybe John will double down and dismiss your husband’s feelings, and things will naturally fall apart between them. Whatever the outcome, there is definitely at least one step in between ‘seething silently’ and ‘cutting John loose forever’, especially since the two of them have been best friends for a long time.
Personally we’d still go with the ‘repeated punch in the face option’ but maybe that’s just us.