"This is the new iPhone 7!" is a line you won't be hearing at Apple's World Wide Developer Conference 2015. Sorry.
Traditionally, this isn't the major headline event at which the Californian tech giant reveals its latest toys. As the name suggests, this is for the developers, those gifted individuals who can turn strings of indecipherable code into apps, web pages and services that tell you when your next bus is due.
But don't let us underplay it - Apple certainly thinks its an event worth getting excited about...
So here are some of the announcements you can expect from the epicentre of chan - no, sorry, we can't type that with a straight face. Here's what they'll probably be talking about at WWDC 2015.
A music streaming service
Back in May 2014, Apple picked up Dr Dre's Beats empire for a wallet lightening $3 billion (£1.9 billion) - giving them control of the luxurious headphone range (well, the boxes they come in is lovely) and the Beats Music service. Not a lot has happened to it since then, with many rumours circling that Apple has been fine-tuning its own music streaming service based on the Beats format.
The Wall Street Journal has word that this now-ready music service will be announced, or even launched, during WWDC - with a subscription price set at $10 (£6.54) a month. Expect it to look an awful lot like Spotify, backed no doubt by several faces from the current hit parade (possibly Pharrell Williams).
The new iOS 9 could breathe new life into old iPhones
In an apparent shift to its strategy of "Break old devices with the new update", 9to5Mac has word that the new iOS 9 may have a 'core' version designed specifically to lighten the load on older iDevices. Should this be the case, phones as old as the iPhone 4S will be able to run at a quicker rate thanks to having the operating system optimised for its older hardware.
It won't sort out that old battery though.
iPads get multitasking
In a move to encourage us to reach for an iPad over a laptop, Apple is set to introduce multitasking to its tablet range. Rather than having to flick between active apps on your iPad, a new tablet-specific feature of the iOS 9 could see app windows run side-by-side, much like the features currently available on Window's iPad-killer Surface tablet.
The side-by-side feature could be the tip of a much larger iceberg though - specifically, a 12-inch tablet-shaped iceberg. According to 9to5Mac, the feature was created with a larger screen in mind, described as the iPad Pro. However, don't expect a new tablet to get shown off any time soon - it could be as much as a year away from being ready.
Apple Maps is going to get better
From its buggy navigation mode to its warped topography, Apple Maps has long been the biggest embarrassment in the Californian tech company's multi-billion dollar empire. But a serious update could revealed at WWDC. According to developer chatter picked up by Apple rumour site 9to5mac, the fault-filled map service is set to receive a major update with the arrival of this year's iOS 9 - with the debut of a Transit navigation service that was due to arrive last year, filled with useful public transport timetables and data which should make commutes and navigation that much easier.
A bit like Google Maps.
A new, old font
This one's for the design nerds.
When Apple unveiled its new Watch, there was a minor buzz created by its new, sleek typeface: San Francisco. Various reporters turning up early to the WWDC 2015 event have noted that the new font is being splashed about on posters, sign posts and bibs with careless abandon. This could be a major hint to the font featuring heavily in everything Apple now releases, from iTunes to iOS.
Apple Pay (in the UK)
Apple's mobile payment system might finally be arriving in the UK, with an announcement expected early on at WWDC.
Already rolled out in the US since October, the new payments system - which uses a chip in iPhone 6 and Apple Watch models compatible with most contactless payment devices - should be ready to roll within two months.